Wow, Ladies!
Michelle, Rosa and Diane~what a welcoming group of women you are! I am so blessed to be here, and would like to take a little time to share with you my experience over the last couple of weeks. I think my personal "quit" has some uncommon aspects, so I will try to describe the process as best as I can.
I told EmpowHer that I took up smoking an awful long time ago, right? Of course I did (:o)), and I remember the circumstances surrounding my first cigarette as I am sure many smokers do.
I began smoking when in high school in order to fit in with my pals. Plain and simple. I attended an all-girl's boarding school in Palo Alto, California in the early 70's, living on campus for four years. Needless to say there was alot of 'sneaking around' by us boarders to commit various offenses, and smoking was very high on the list. Actually I remember smoking my very first cigarette while in the Study Hall restroom, standing on a toilet seat. I was with another girl, blowing the smoke into the air vent so that the study proctor wouldn't smell it. We got away with it that day, and my smoking career began.
The important thing was not the actual smoking that day, of course not. I doubt that I was actually addicted to nicotine after that very first cigarette. But I was with a friend defying authority. We performed a very symbolic act together that day and boy did I get hooked on that!
I had always been a lonely sort of child, I had no siblings and was quite awkward growing up. When I was sent away to boarding school, then, I was desperate to fit in somewhere. It took only a couple of months and I found smoking cigarettes to be a sure way to make friends. At least I could depend on company when sneaking cigarettes on campus, and we met in those out-of-the-way places often.
Now as an adult I see the process much more clearly, but it doesn't make the whole thing any less tragic. I wasted so many years being a slave to tobacco I am almost ashamed to admit it. But that is the nature of nicotine addiction. I missed many chances to interact with family and friends because if I came along, I would be unable to smoke. I turned down many invitations to events simply because they were touted as 'non-smoking' affairs.
But then back in May of this year I found out that I had to have one of my hips surgically replaced. I am not lying when I report here that my first thought was disappointment because I knew that smoking is prohibited in hospitals! How hopelessly addicted can you possibly get?
Now in order to have the procedure performed, I learned that a patient must be 'tobacco-free' for at least 6 weeks. What? I didn't sign up for that! This is required so that the body can heal properly and thoroughly. Well, I thought, it's still a long way off, so I'll think about THAT later. My procedure was scheduled for July 29, so I didn't have to quit until the week of June 15. Over a month...no problem.
Now avoidance is my personal favorite when it comes to ways to deal with stress. Denial, too. I will do almost anything other than whatever it is I am supposed to do. If I have a paper to write, let's say, I can polish silver and dust the entire house if I have the least bit of anxiety brewing over that paper and its composition. So with avoidance and denial firmly in place, I forgot all about the smoking rule, at least consciously.
I am a stay-at-home housewife/writer living in the Eastern Sierra small town of Bishop, California. I am 52 and live with Anthony, my husband of 21 years and 7 dogs and cats. We live a fairly uneventful life, so news of my impending surgery threw us to some extent. I had to deal with the fact of the operation even though I was not considering quitting smoking at all.
I don't really know the exact way this happened, but I was on the Internet far into the night of June 9th, a long Tuesday, unable to sleep.
It simply dawned on me that it just might be a good idea to quit smoking. This was at 5:30 am on Wednesday the 10th.
I am not being facetious here, that was the thought that came into my head. So. I stood up from my computer chair and began gathering up my smoking paraphernalia bit by bit. I rounded up all the cigarettes, ash trays, lighters and matches that I could see in the living room and put them all in my attached garage. I made a number of trips to the garage without making a big production out of it, as my mother used to say-it was really no big deal-I was just doing what was necessary. I did however make a point out of not throwing any of this stuff away.
In what I believe now to be a stroke of sub-conscious intelligence, I kept all of it available to myself in the garage in order not to feel threatened by the very lack of cigarettes. My sub-conscious mind knew what I needed in order to be successful. The very fact that I kept everything there yet just a bit inconvenient made the act of smoking unappealing, but not impossible. The garage is only just off my kitchen, so it isn't far, but it is a garage, for Pete's sake, and I don't enjoy going in there all that much.
But the 'brilliance' of the plan rested in the fact that it was all still there, only a few steps away. I didn't have to dig through the garbage to get at it had I changed my mind. I think I was playing a game with myself; Ok, I can smoke any time that I choose, but hey, Laurel, it's already been 3 hours, so why not try for 4?
Now I can't express how important I think it was for me to have all that junk out of sight. I know that was crucial. I felt comforted by the fact that they were exactly where I put them and that nobody had to even know about this little experiment, not even my husband. It was my little private game with myself, just a game.
I think that I consider my 'quit' unique because I did not consciously choose to quit smoking. I mean that. There was no time that I decided I had had enough. I am not a religious woman but believe quitting cigarettes to be a spiritual transformation in my life. When I began putting those 'smoker's toys' away, I felt what I can only describe as a warm blanket covering me from behind, keeping me safe and warm. I felt my Higher Power within taking over my actions.
I will leave it to the psychologists and theologians to debate what happened here, but I do feel something larger than myself intervened when I needed it, with only a week to spare.
The difficult part is now, of course, since the novel nature of being a non-smoker is beginning to wear off, and new stressors appear every day, as, of course, they always did!
So I am an avid reader of uplifting and spiritual stories these days, when I disregarded such things before. I am also now a member of NICA here in Bishop, looking forward to our weekly meetings.
Relapse is always a concern, but I am learning to think like 'a winner' rather than a slave, and I am loving every minute!
Thanks,
Laurel Rogers
Comment Reply
Wow, Ladies!
September 2, 2009 - 4:28pmMichelle, Rosa and Diane~what a welcoming group of women you are! I am so blessed to be here, and would like to take a little time to share with you my experience over the last couple of weeks. I think my personal "quit" has some uncommon aspects, so I will try to describe the process as best as I can.
I told EmpowHer that I took up smoking an awful long time ago, right? Of course I did (:o)), and I remember the circumstances surrounding my first cigarette as I am sure many smokers do.
I began smoking when in high school in order to fit in with my pals. Plain and simple. I attended an all-girl's boarding school in Palo Alto, California in the early 70's, living on campus for four years. Needless to say there was alot of 'sneaking around' by us boarders to commit various offenses, and smoking was very high on the list. Actually I remember smoking my very first cigarette while in the Study Hall restroom, standing on a toilet seat. I was with another girl, blowing the smoke into the air vent so that the study proctor wouldn't smell it. We got away with it that day, and my smoking career began.
The important thing was not the actual smoking that day, of course not. I doubt that I was actually addicted to nicotine after that very first cigarette. But I was with a friend defying authority. We performed a very symbolic act together that day and boy did I get hooked on that!
I had always been a lonely sort of child, I had no siblings and was quite awkward growing up. When I was sent away to boarding school, then, I was desperate to fit in somewhere. It took only a couple of months and I found smoking cigarettes to be a sure way to make friends. At least I could depend on company when sneaking cigarettes on campus, and we met in those out-of-the-way places often.
Now as an adult I see the process much more clearly, but it doesn't make the whole thing any less tragic. I wasted so many years being a slave to tobacco I am almost ashamed to admit it. But that is the nature of nicotine addiction. I missed many chances to interact with family and friends because if I came along, I would be unable to smoke. I turned down many invitations to events simply because they were touted as 'non-smoking' affairs.
But then back in May of this year I found out that I had to have one of my hips surgically replaced. I am not lying when I report here that my first thought was disappointment because I knew that smoking is prohibited in hospitals! How hopelessly addicted can you possibly get?
Now in order to have the procedure performed, I learned that a patient must be 'tobacco-free' for at least 6 weeks. What? I didn't sign up for that! This is required so that the body can heal properly and thoroughly. Well, I thought, it's still a long way off, so I'll think about THAT later. My procedure was scheduled for July 29, so I didn't have to quit until the week of June 15. Over a month...no problem.
Now avoidance is my personal favorite when it comes to ways to deal with stress. Denial, too. I will do almost anything other than whatever it is I am supposed to do. If I have a paper to write, let's say, I can polish silver and dust the entire house if I have the least bit of anxiety brewing over that paper and its composition. So with avoidance and denial firmly in place, I forgot all about the smoking rule, at least consciously.
I am a stay-at-home housewife/writer living in the Eastern Sierra small town of Bishop, California. I am 52 and live with Anthony, my husband of 21 years and 7 dogs and cats. We live a fairly uneventful life, so news of my impending surgery threw us to some extent. I had to deal with the fact of the operation even though I was not considering quitting smoking at all.
I don't really know the exact way this happened, but I was on the Internet far into the night of June 9th, a long Tuesday, unable to sleep.
It simply dawned on me that it just might be a good idea to quit smoking. This was at 5:30 am on Wednesday the 10th.
I am not being facetious here, that was the thought that came into my head. So. I stood up from my computer chair and began gathering up my smoking paraphernalia bit by bit. I rounded up all the cigarettes, ash trays, lighters and matches that I could see in the living room and put them all in my attached garage. I made a number of trips to the garage without making a big production out of it, as my mother used to say-it was really no big deal-I was just doing what was necessary. I did however make a point out of not throwing any of this stuff away.
In what I believe now to be a stroke of sub-conscious intelligence, I kept all of it available to myself in the garage in order not to feel threatened by the very lack of cigarettes. My sub-conscious mind knew what I needed in order to be successful. The very fact that I kept everything there yet just a bit inconvenient made the act of smoking unappealing, but not impossible. The garage is only just off my kitchen, so it isn't far, but it is a garage, for Pete's sake, and I don't enjoy going in there all that much.
But the 'brilliance' of the plan rested in the fact that it was all still there, only a few steps away. I didn't have to dig through the garbage to get at it had I changed my mind. I think I was playing a game with myself; Ok, I can smoke any time that I choose, but hey, Laurel, it's already been 3 hours, so why not try for 4?
Now I can't express how important I think it was for me to have all that junk out of sight. I know that was crucial. I felt comforted by the fact that they were exactly where I put them and that nobody had to even know about this little experiment, not even my husband. It was my little private game with myself, just a game.
I think that I consider my 'quit' unique because I did not consciously choose to quit smoking. I mean that. There was no time that I decided I had had enough. I am not a religious woman but believe quitting cigarettes to be a spiritual transformation in my life. When I began putting those 'smoker's toys' away, I felt what I can only describe as a warm blanket covering me from behind, keeping me safe and warm. I felt my Higher Power within taking over my actions.
I will leave it to the psychologists and theologians to debate what happened here, but I do feel something larger than myself intervened when I needed it, with only a week to spare.
The difficult part is now, of course, since the novel nature of being a non-smoker is beginning to wear off, and new stressors appear every day, as, of course, they always did!
So I am an avid reader of uplifting and spiritual stories these days, when I disregarded such things before. I am also now a member of NICA here in Bishop, looking forward to our weekly meetings.
Relapse is always a concern, but I am learning to think like 'a winner' rather than a slave, and I am loving every minute!
Thanks,
Laurel Rogers
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