My boyfriend and I are about the same age as you and yours and I have been in a very similar situation. As Diane mentioned, this is a young age for such a dedicated relationship, so there is absolutely some growing up that needs to be done when you're talking about marriage and long-term commitment. Roughly 2 years into our relationship my boyfriend showed some similar characteristics to what you described. And what it all boiled down to was 1) the relationship had gotten boring- It just happens with time in any relationship, 2) our communication skills were terrible, and 3) he wasn't sure he wanted to be tied down anymore. That last one stung a lot, but it's absolutely understandable- When you aren't even out of college yet and you're thinking about "forever" it's natural to wonder if this is really it. We wound up splitting up for a little while, which did hurt, but it was also quite helpful. During this time I worked on myself and worried about making sure that I was well and moving forward for me. He did the same, and after this period of reflection we reunited and were both better lovers. The one major thing that really saved us was communication.
I think you should seek out your boyfriend at a time you know he will be in an agreeable mood. Try not to point the finger too harshly and let him know that you are hurt and why. Let him know that you care about him and that you want both of you to be happy, but this can't happen if you can't speak respectfully and responsibly about the issues at hand. Maybe he won't put forth the effort and maybe you will wind up walking away. But if that's the case, it's better that it happens now then after years of misery. And of course, countless men have "got it together" for their girlfriends before- maybe he just needs a wake-up call. In either case, the important thing to keep in mind is that you are absolutely worthy of a good man and in any relationship you should never take less than what you deserve, nor give the other person less than they deserve. It's 100% both ways.
You seem fairly concerned about marriage. Maybe this thought just needs to be put aside for awhile? I worried about this for awhile also. However, after working on the relationship together and resolving a lot of issues, the thought doesn't cross my mind much. Once the relationship reaches a point of stability and you feel that the other person isn't "going anywhere" that ring becomes kind of unimportant.
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Hi Deanna,
My boyfriend and I are about the same age as you and yours and I have been in a very similar situation. As Diane mentioned, this is a young age for such a dedicated relationship, so there is absolutely some growing up that needs to be done when you're talking about marriage and long-term commitment. Roughly 2 years into our relationship my boyfriend showed some similar characteristics to what you described. And what it all boiled down to was 1) the relationship had gotten boring- It just happens with time in any relationship, 2) our communication skills were terrible, and 3) he wasn't sure he wanted to be tied down anymore. That last one stung a lot, but it's absolutely understandable- When you aren't even out of college yet and you're thinking about "forever" it's natural to wonder if this is really it. We wound up splitting up for a little while, which did hurt, but it was also quite helpful. During this time I worked on myself and worried about making sure that I was well and moving forward for me. He did the same, and after this period of reflection we reunited and were both better lovers. The one major thing that really saved us was communication.
I think you should seek out your boyfriend at a time you know he will be in an agreeable mood. Try not to point the finger too harshly and let him know that you are hurt and why. Let him know that you care about him and that you want both of you to be happy, but this can't happen if you can't speak respectfully and responsibly about the issues at hand. Maybe he won't put forth the effort and maybe you will wind up walking away. But if that's the case, it's better that it happens now then after years of misery. And of course, countless men have "got it together" for their girlfriends before- maybe he just needs a wake-up call. In either case, the important thing to keep in mind is that you are absolutely worthy of a good man and in any relationship you should never take less than what you deserve, nor give the other person less than they deserve. It's 100% both ways.
You seem fairly concerned about marriage. Maybe this thought just needs to be put aside for awhile? I worried about this for awhile also. However, after working on the relationship together and resolving a lot of issues, the thought doesn't cross my mind much. Once the relationship reaches a point of stability and you feel that the other person isn't "going anywhere" that ring becomes kind of unimportant.
September 30, 2009 - 1:50pmThis Comment
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