Hi Cyndi Lu,
You absolutely came to the right place, and I'm glad you found EmpowHer!
I will forward your question to one of our medical experts, but in the meantime, you can read other women's responses to your question.
My response: your question has two very different parts to it, and need to be separated. One is, "how do I stop caring about a person; how can I help this person that I once loved and still love?". The other question is, "how do I stop putting myself in dangerous situations; how do I stay safe?"
I hope you know that our primary goal is to keep you safe. Are you in a safe place now? Why do you fear for your safety?
Here are some resources that you will need to have at your fingertips:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org
If you are in immediate danger, call: 911.
To answer your other question, of course you would miss someone that you have loved, and still love, and this is OK. It is because you have a kind heart that you want to help him get the care that he needs. However, you can not do this for him when he puts you in a dangerous situation. You are not the one to help him when your safety is in jeopardy. You may never stop caring; many of us who have had significant relationships with others...and are married to other people...can still care about the other person. We hope they are doing well; we hope they are happy. Caring does not ever need to stop.
What you can do is practice the art of "Letting Go". My mom gave this to me 15 years ago, and it had a profound impact on my life while I was dating a boy that was beginning to show some abusive qualities. Please read this, and let me know what you think: https://www.empowher.com/community/share/how-let-go-tips-peace-happiness-and-healing-relationships-others-and-yourself
Here are a few of the words of wisdom that are most powerful in your situation:
...to "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
...to "let go" is not to enable but to allow learning from natural consequences.
...to "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
...to "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
...to "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
...to "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their destinies.
...to "let go" is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
...to "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
I hope this helps, and I hope to hear from you again.
Take care of yourself.
Comment Reply
Hi Cyndi Lu,
You absolutely came to the right place, and I'm glad you found EmpowHer!
I will forward your question to one of our medical experts, but in the meantime, you can read other women's responses to your question.
My response: your question has two very different parts to it, and need to be separated. One is, "how do I stop caring about a person; how can I help this person that I once loved and still love?". The other question is, "how do I stop putting myself in dangerous situations; how do I stay safe?"
I hope you know that our primary goal is to keep you safe. Are you in a safe place now? Why do you fear for your safety?
Here are some resources that you will need to have at your fingertips:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org
If you are in immediate danger, call: 911.
To answer your other question, of course you would miss someone that you have loved, and still love, and this is OK. It is because you have a kind heart that you want to help him get the care that he needs. However, you can not do this for him when he puts you in a dangerous situation. You are not the one to help him when your safety is in jeopardy. You may never stop caring; many of us who have had significant relationships with others...and are married to other people...can still care about the other person. We hope they are doing well; we hope they are happy. Caring does not ever need to stop.
What you can do is practice the art of "Letting Go". My mom gave this to me 15 years ago, and it had a profound impact on my life while I was dating a boy that was beginning to show some abusive qualities. Please read this, and let me know what you think: https://www.empowher.com/community/share/how-let-go-tips-peace-happiness-and-healing-relationships-others-and-yourself
Here are a few of the words of wisdom that are most powerful in your situation:
...to "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
...to "let go" is not to enable but to allow learning from natural consequences.
...to "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
...to "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
...to "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
...to "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their destinies.
...to "let go" is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
...to "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
I hope this helps, and I hope to hear from you again.
September 29, 2009 - 3:01pmTake care of yourself.
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