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I am certain that my father had a personality disorder and perhaps several combined. He had repetitive compulsive problems too. It made for a really miserable childhood and depression (which I could not understand the reason for) in later life. My childhood was dire and isolated despite having a brother and sister who seemed happy with the severe restriction on our lives and the lack of empathy and validation of us as important little people. I think he had some other problems as well. He would not go out, did not have friends and neither could we have. We never had a holiday or family outing not even a family shopping trip or walk. My brother and sister still do not find this odd. I really do not have a lot of sympathy with people like dad. I believe they behave in that way selfishly and for what it affords them. He had Mum's full attention 24/7 despite the fact that she had 3 kids to look after and he always came first or had a paddy. His clothes had to be laid out in a certain way, his spoon had to sit in his saucer in a certain way etc etc. He had difficulty keeping jobs and eventually spent much of his life on the dole. Later in life we found out that he was in fact Mum's brother in law and he had got her pregnant with me and run off whilst her husband was in hospital with TB after returning from the war. They kept the secret all their lives. I was pregnant before marriage and he was very hard on me and I had already left home because of his attitude towards me. I wish I could have been adopted. I find it very hard not to blame Mum for not leaving him and letting us have some sort of a life - her too. i think these people should remain single such is the devastation on other peoples lives. It was Mum's choice perhaps (that I am not even sure about) but she should have left to get a life for herself and us. It is a cruel thing to inflict on others and impacts so detrimentally on their lives. He was perfect in his eyes and we should all do his bidding and be a clone of him. He would NEVER EVER have accepted that he had a problem or take advice on it. If it had been given you would have been shot. My brother and sister just accepted that he must be perfect and right because he was Dad. It has come as a shock to them and they do not understand now that they have found out some things, particularly that Mum and Dad were brother and sister-in-law.

October 18, 2012 - 11:11am


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