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Hi, Anon,

I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this right now. I know how hard it is. What your boyfriend did was inexcusable. He played with your future, with your life, with your head. It makes me wonder whether he has lied to you about other important things. For instance, if he has lied about his sexual past, he could have put you at risk for STDs in addition to pregnancy. Have you been tested for STDs?

I agree with Rosa, though, that you have to try to separate the negative feelings and anger about what your boyfriend did from the fact that a baby is on the way.

Let's not talk about him for the moment. Let's talk about you and your life.

You're due to finish college soon. This is wonderful! How soon? What are you studying? What sort of job would you hope to get after graduation?

Where do you live now? (Meaning, not actually a city or state, but rather do you live on campus? With a roommate? At home? With your boyfriend?)

Would you consider adoption?

How have you felt about abortion in the past? Where does it land in your values?

Would your family support your decision to have the baby? Would they support your decision to give the baby up for adoption? Does their opinion mean a lot to you?

The main thing to remember here is that this is YOUR decision. No one else's. Give yourself some time alone to sit with the possibilities: abortion, adoption, motherhood. You are the person who will live with this decision for the rest of your life, so it needs to be right for you.

Please write back and let us know more about how you're feeling here. We can put you in touch with some resources in your area if you like; just let us know.

October 28, 2009 - 8:13am


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