thank you for all your replies. this has tuely been the most terrible desion i've ever made and i don't know if it was the right one (there's always doubts running through my head) but i decided to have a abortion.
I split up with my boyfriend has i really hate him and he's probably lied to me about other things. I felt as if i was going through this alone and weird because i felt unhappy that this happened while he was going around telling everyone. When we split after arguing he went and rang my parents telling them 'she's dumed me because she's pregnant'. i did'nt want them to know, how stupid i've been and i knew my mum would want me to keep the baby. my dad was more for abortion.
we went (me and my parents) to college where they have a health place thing, which is where i found out i was pregnant. they did another test, i think my parents wanted to see the results for themselves. the test came up positive straight away before the time was up. my mum was crying and i did'nt know what to do. the nurse said if i wanted a abortion i'd have to see two councilers first, so she booked me in for that. even she was changing her mind well keeping the baby you could still do this.... having a abortion you'll be able to focus on your career while leaving college soon.
all i really wanted was for someone to tell me what to do, i did'nt want to be the one to make this decision.
i went to see the counciler's a few days later who just asked me a few questions and said ok you can have a abortion if you want. i thought whats the point in seeing them, they was no help, it was as if, if your with the dad keep it, if not get rid. i had a check up while i was there, they took some blood, my blood pressure, weight and checked my stomach ( i had a surprise when they did that, finger inside me while pressing my stomach)
They booked me in for a abortion the following week saying i'd be there for the day, i'd be under general anasthetic and it would take 15 minutes to do.
I told my friends and my ex that i was'nt pregnant that it was a infection that had caused the positive pregnancy test
i went to the clinic on the day and was told to put a gown on and put into bed on a ward with a few other women, there was some that seemed not bothered but most looked really scared and nervous. after a few hours they came in and started to take each person. i remember having the anathetic and walking up what seemed like minutes later back in the ward. for a split second i felt relieved that it was all over and then scared that i'd done the wrong thing.
we had to stay there for a few hours and have a sandwich before we was allowed to go. they gave us antibiotics to take for a week and a leter to show are doctor for a follow up check to see if everything is ok. on the letter it said i was 10/11 weeks pregnant. they said my hormones might be all over the place for a few weeks
going home to my parents was horrible, them knowing what i'd just done.
i don't know if i've done the right thing or not and i surpose i never will. i get upset when i see babies, or hear the word pregnant outside, on tv, films etc...
i just want everything to go back to normal. i hope my parents don't hate me or think i'm a slut. this was the first lad i'd ever been with. i just keep getting upset all the time and thinking a baby would it have been so hard to keep it