Here's what your post makes me think about: That he's trying to control you. He may not even know it, but he is. And trying to control another person -- by restricting what they do, belittling their thoughts and behaviors, and turning every argument around so it focuses on the other person -- is emotional abuse. They never let you have the last word, and they never let you be right.
And you have been in this place long enough, Lonesome1, that you are filtering EVERYTHING through what your boyfriend thinks. That tells me that there's something very unbalanced here in this relationship. It is nowhere near equal. You've lost yourself, and he prefers it that way.
Please consider getting that therapy for yourself. What therapy will do for you is help you to understand who you are and where you are. It will give you some self-esteem back and it will give you someone you can trust from the outside world to bounce things off of. You want a therapist who will discuss things with you and help you see them in a different light. You will probably find that you are wrong about some things and your boyfriend is wrong about some things -- that's the way it goes. But understanding things at their core is the most freeing thing you can imagine.
It's especially important since you don't have anyone you feel you can talk to about this. It seems like one way or another, all these "normal" options have been cut off for you. I want you to be able to explore that with someone in a non-threatening situation.
Will you consider this? Do you have insurance, or can you afford to see someone? If you can't, please let us know your city and state, and we can help put you in touch with some resources that will help.
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Lonesome1,
Here's what your post makes me think about: That he's trying to control you. He may not even know it, but he is. And trying to control another person -- by restricting what they do, belittling their thoughts and behaviors, and turning every argument around so it focuses on the other person -- is emotional abuse. They never let you have the last word, and they never let you be right.
And you have been in this place long enough, Lonesome1, that you are filtering EVERYTHING through what your boyfriend thinks. That tells me that there's something very unbalanced here in this relationship. It is nowhere near equal. You've lost yourself, and he prefers it that way.
Please go read this page about emotional abuse:
http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=168
Please consider getting that therapy for yourself. What therapy will do for you is help you to understand who you are and where you are. It will give you some self-esteem back and it will give you someone you can trust from the outside world to bounce things off of. You want a therapist who will discuss things with you and help you see them in a different light. You will probably find that you are wrong about some things and your boyfriend is wrong about some things -- that's the way it goes. But understanding things at their core is the most freeing thing you can imagine.
It's especially important since you don't have anyone you feel you can talk to about this. It seems like one way or another, all these "normal" options have been cut off for you. I want you to be able to explore that with someone in a non-threatening situation.
Will you consider this? Do you have insurance, or can you afford to see someone? If you can't, please let us know your city and state, and we can help put you in touch with some resources that will help.
Take care, and please write back.
December 1, 2009 - 10:48amThis Comment
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