We have already diagnosed this guy with "a problem", with being the one "not communicating", and for "being selfish" or "masturbating too much".
I hope you can see that these could ALL be false statements, and what was the red flag for me was your comment, "...is cumming more important than my happiness, babe?" when I mentioned that you two should talk. This is not healthy, mutually respectful type of communication, that would allow him to open up and speak freely. I understand you are venting and frustrated...and that is what is so great about a discussion online such as this. I just wanted to let you know that these feelings you have will most likely seep through in your tone, and completely alienate your boyfriend from wanting to talk.
There are many people who have genital warts, and your boyfriend has the right to choose not to have intercourse with you. It is not "his problem", "his fault" or anything "wrong" with masturbating. He DOES have the responsibility to openly communicate with you about his fears and desires; what is his ideal sexual relationship...but he needs to be given the space to openly express himself...even if some of the words may hurt.
For these reasons, I agree with Diane: a therapist can be a great 3rd person to allow the "space" for each of you to openly communicate.
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I want to add one last comment, too.
We have already diagnosed this guy with "a problem", with being the one "not communicating", and for "being selfish" or "masturbating too much".
I hope you can see that these could ALL be false statements, and what was the red flag for me was your comment, "...is cumming more important than my happiness, babe?" when I mentioned that you two should talk. This is not healthy, mutually respectful type of communication, that would allow him to open up and speak freely. I understand you are venting and frustrated...and that is what is so great about a discussion online such as this. I just wanted to let you know that these feelings you have will most likely seep through in your tone, and completely alienate your boyfriend from wanting to talk.
There are many people who have genital warts, and your boyfriend has the right to choose not to have intercourse with you. It is not "his problem", "his fault" or anything "wrong" with masturbating. He DOES have the responsibility to openly communicate with you about his fears and desires; what is his ideal sexual relationship...but he needs to be given the space to openly express himself...even if some of the words may hurt.
For these reasons, I agree with Diane: a therapist can be a great 3rd person to allow the "space" for each of you to openly communicate.
November 5, 2009 - 12:53pmThis Comment
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