Lasting friendship with an ex is completely possible and possibly healthy, just not right out of the gate. One of my best friends is an ex -- after the break-up we did not speak or have any contact for about four months and then we slowly re-established a friendship after that, resuming a normal friend relationship after about a year. One important rule was to keep our romantic lives pretty private (I didn't want to know and he was kind enough not to tell me for a long time.) Five years later we've reached a place where we feel comfortable talking about significant others, and I've just helped him and his longtime girlfriend through a stressful break-up. It helps that we weren't a good match romantically and mature enough to see it with no hard feelings (after the initial separation). Was it weird sometimes? Sure, but with clear boundaries and the gift of growing out of our early 20s it was totally worth it.
While I'm friends with him I'm not friends with other exes. I just wanted to share that it is possible to be friends in the long run, especially if your attraction was more intellectual and personality/interests based than physical to begin with, but that initial severing of contact is crucial to making it work (and letting you know if you want to let them back in again later on.)
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Lasting friendship with an ex is completely possible and possibly healthy, just not right out of the gate. One of my best friends is an ex -- after the break-up we did not speak or have any contact for about four months and then we slowly re-established a friendship after that, resuming a normal friend relationship after about a year. One important rule was to keep our romantic lives pretty private (I didn't want to know and he was kind enough not to tell me for a long time.) Five years later we've reached a place where we feel comfortable talking about significant others, and I've just helped him and his longtime girlfriend through a stressful break-up. It helps that we weren't a good match romantically and mature enough to see it with no hard feelings (after the initial separation). Was it weird sometimes? Sure, but with clear boundaries and the gift of growing out of our early 20s it was totally worth it.
While I'm friends with him I'm not friends with other exes. I just wanted to share that it is possible to be friends in the long run, especially if your attraction was more intellectual and personality/interests based than physical to begin with, but that initial severing of contact is crucial to making it work (and letting you know if you want to let them back in again later on.)
January 26, 2010 - 3:56amThis Comment
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