I agree with Anonymous posting here on Jan. 26th. A friendship with an 'Ex' could be healthy for many reasons. One thing to establish is it based on friendship, and that was part of the reason for the marriage in the first place. Other things happened which ended the marriage. I went through the same thing with my first husband. We did realize years later it was best to discuss why we broke up, and get it out. We did. I left him, and I did explain he was too controlling, and right down to squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle and leaving it that way. I did not screw on a mayonnaise jar all the way one time, and he called me on that. It is well to say that the little controlling things add up to huge. This was a major reason why I left him. He also did a horrible thing to me, and five minutes before I was to sing at a friend's wedding. I was nervous to go up in front of this huge gathering. He said, "You have nose hairs sticking out of your nose. Ickkk!" It made me so self conscious, and the wrong time to say this to me, to make me feel ugly. I got through the song, but I was so hurt he would do that to me right before I sang. I told him about this years later, and he said, "I was so immature at that time. I cannot believe I even said this to you. Please forgive me." Well, I did, but he understood this was one of the reasons I left him; i.e., he periodically put me down to build himself up. I think I am right about this, and his reasons for calling me on the mayonnaise jar also. We did communicate, and got a lot out, and now have since emailed each other periodically, and regained the good part of why we were together and got married in the first place. It did my heart well to say to him how he had hurt me, and he was very benevolent with what he had done to me, and the key is this: he said he was sorry.
He has many great sides and attributes to him. He is a friend now, and I guess that is what was best to happen with our relationship - not to be married, but be of kindred souls with each other now. He also was a 'Missionary style' sex partner, and I felt it was that he felt that it was up to a woman to please a man, and that was the reason to have 'sex'. He never tried to please me, and sometimes it was a 'Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam' type of relationship in bed. This was another reason as to why I did leave him. I knew this was not a 'One Way Street' with one's partner and spouse, and someone else out there would be better for me with this one aspect in a married relationship, alone.
I am glad we are friends now. It has been healthy for both of us. We realize we got married so young also, and both unable to be wed to each other; yet, we did have a reason to be friends. I do love him now, as a friend. I take his good things about him, and choose to concentrate on this. I wish everyone well with making amends after any break-up. There are always 'two sides' to every story. I am grateful that he did listen to me to understand my side of why I had to leave him. It has been healthy for both of us, I feel.
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I agree with Anonymous posting here on Jan. 26th. A friendship with an 'Ex' could be healthy for many reasons. One thing to establish is it based on friendship, and that was part of the reason for the marriage in the first place. Other things happened which ended the marriage. I went through the same thing with my first husband. We did realize years later it was best to discuss why we broke up, and get it out. We did. I left him, and I did explain he was too controlling, and right down to squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle and leaving it that way. I did not screw on a mayonnaise jar all the way one time, and he called me on that. It is well to say that the little controlling things add up to huge. This was a major reason why I left him. He also did a horrible thing to me, and five minutes before I was to sing at a friend's wedding. I was nervous to go up in front of this huge gathering. He said, "You have nose hairs sticking out of your nose. Ickkk!" It made me so self conscious, and the wrong time to say this to me, to make me feel ugly. I got through the song, but I was so hurt he would do that to me right before I sang. I told him about this years later, and he said, "I was so immature at that time. I cannot believe I even said this to you. Please forgive me." Well, I did, but he understood this was one of the reasons I left him; i.e., he periodically put me down to build himself up. I think I am right about this, and his reasons for calling me on the mayonnaise jar also. We did communicate, and got a lot out, and now have since emailed each other periodically, and regained the good part of why we were together and got married in the first place. It did my heart well to say to him how he had hurt me, and he was very benevolent with what he had done to me, and the key is this: he said he was sorry.
He has many great sides and attributes to him. He is a friend now, and I guess that is what was best to happen with our relationship - not to be married, but be of kindred souls with each other now. He also was a 'Missionary style' sex partner, and I felt it was that he felt that it was up to a woman to please a man, and that was the reason to have 'sex'. He never tried to please me, and sometimes it was a 'Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam' type of relationship in bed. This was another reason as to why I did leave him. I knew this was not a 'One Way Street' with one's partner and spouse, and someone else out there would be better for me with this one aspect in a married relationship, alone.
I am glad we are friends now. It has been healthy for both of us. We realize we got married so young also, and both unable to be wed to each other; yet, we did have a reason to be friends. I do love him now, as a friend. I take his good things about him, and choose to concentrate on this. I wish everyone well with making amends after any break-up. There are always 'two sides' to every story. I am grateful that he did listen to me to understand my side of why I had to leave him. It has been healthy for both of us, I feel.
January 26, 2010 - 2:14pmThis Comment
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