Thanks for taking the time to write about your life right now and all the things that are competing for your attention. I remember so well what it was like to be torn between school, a beloved boyfriend and a loving family.
Your first responsibility has to be to yourself, Anon. You are in school to accomplish something that is important to you. As a pharmacy student, your work is constant and challenging. You could certainly manage to complete school with a baby, but it would be difficult. (My sister went to nursing school as a single mom, and spent many nights in tears because it was so tough.)
So your first task is this: Find a method of birth control that you can control. You have a boyfriend who WANTS to get you pregnant right now. You shouldn't depend on him to protect you. It is possible that you will want to have sex with him, so my advice would be to go to a doctor and talk about birth control that YOU control -- birth control pills, for instance.
If you absolutely control the possibility of getting pregnant, then it sounds like you have a couple more years of school in which to work out the parents/boyfriend thing. And I know that's really, really complicated. Your parents do not want you to move two countries away, regardless of how great the guy is. And honestly, I'm not sure you do, either. You mentioned that you might move to Mexico after any children were born, but do know that at that point, your children will be completely bonded with their Canadian grandparents and it will be even harded to pick up and leave then it is now, while you are younger, less tied down and (for the moment) single.
Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy. If he is, he needs to listen to you and help support your priorities, not undermine them by trying to get you pregnant. This man says he loves you. Yet he is trying to accomplish something that would possibly prevent your finishing school and that would maybe tear you and your parents apart. That's not mature, it's not respectful and it's a sign of more to come. If he is bragging to his buddies that he might have gotten you pregnant even though you're against it, it's a sign that he believes he's the one in control of this relationship and that his prowess as a man is more important than your goal to be a pharmacist.
Your mom is not an egg, Anon. She won't break. I promise you. She might argue, cry, and disapprove, but she won't break. She is a strong woman standing up to a daughter whom she believes is making a mistake. That's not easy! You need to see her as your ally, here. She loves you. More, possibly, than anyone else in the picture. Moms are like mother bears, you know? If they think anything is threatening the well-being of their cub, they will not back down.
Your parents want only the best for you, Anon. Of course, in their eyes, that means falling in love with someone with whom you share a culture -- and so you have some conflicts to settle if you stay with this boyfriend. But who knows? If you have the time to finish school, your parents may come around to love your boyfriend like you do in that time. Right now, they probably (correctly) see him as a threat to everything you have worked for.
Your vow to stay a virgin until marriage is very important to you. I am assuming that your boyfriend knew that, too, and still he pushed, trying to make a pregnancy happen in a woman who (a) wanted to stay a virgin and (b) doesn't want a baby right now and (c) isn't sure about where she wants to live in the future. No matter how much he loves you, there's also some arrogance there.
You have to be true to yourself first, here, Anon. You have to do it now, before marriage, so that you will set the pattern of being equal partners from the very start. He clearly had the time to get his education, find his career path, and become successful at it. You deserve the same.
It sounds to me as though you are not late yet on your period. And, again, it sounds to me as though there is only the tiniest of chances that sperm could have gotten through to make you pregnant. Breathe a little, Anon, and wait a few more days.
And make an appointment, OK? The birth control needs to be in your hands, here, not your boyfriend's.
Come back and update us anytime. I'm very glad to listen.
Comment Reply
Anon,
Thanks for taking the time to write about your life right now and all the things that are competing for your attention. I remember so well what it was like to be torn between school, a beloved boyfriend and a loving family.
Your first responsibility has to be to yourself, Anon. You are in school to accomplish something that is important to you. As a pharmacy student, your work is constant and challenging. You could certainly manage to complete school with a baby, but it would be difficult. (My sister went to nursing school as a single mom, and spent many nights in tears because it was so tough.)
So your first task is this: Find a method of birth control that you can control. You have a boyfriend who WANTS to get you pregnant right now. You shouldn't depend on him to protect you. It is possible that you will want to have sex with him, so my advice would be to go to a doctor and talk about birth control that YOU control -- birth control pills, for instance.
If you absolutely control the possibility of getting pregnant, then it sounds like you have a couple more years of school in which to work out the parents/boyfriend thing. And I know that's really, really complicated. Your parents do not want you to move two countries away, regardless of how great the guy is. And honestly, I'm not sure you do, either. You mentioned that you might move to Mexico after any children were born, but do know that at that point, your children will be completely bonded with their Canadian grandparents and it will be even harded to pick up and leave then it is now, while you are younger, less tied down and (for the moment) single.
Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy. If he is, he needs to listen to you and help support your priorities, not undermine them by trying to get you pregnant. This man says he loves you. Yet he is trying to accomplish something that would possibly prevent your finishing school and that would maybe tear you and your parents apart. That's not mature, it's not respectful and it's a sign of more to come. If he is bragging to his buddies that he might have gotten you pregnant even though you're against it, it's a sign that he believes he's the one in control of this relationship and that his prowess as a man is more important than your goal to be a pharmacist.
Your mom is not an egg, Anon. She won't break. I promise you. She might argue, cry, and disapprove, but she won't break. She is a strong woman standing up to a daughter whom she believes is making a mistake. That's not easy! You need to see her as your ally, here. She loves you. More, possibly, than anyone else in the picture. Moms are like mother bears, you know? If they think anything is threatening the well-being of their cub, they will not back down.
Your parents want only the best for you, Anon. Of course, in their eyes, that means falling in love with someone with whom you share a culture -- and so you have some conflicts to settle if you stay with this boyfriend. But who knows? If you have the time to finish school, your parents may come around to love your boyfriend like you do in that time. Right now, they probably (correctly) see him as a threat to everything you have worked for.
Your vow to stay a virgin until marriage is very important to you. I am assuming that your boyfriend knew that, too, and still he pushed, trying to make a pregnancy happen in a woman who (a) wanted to stay a virgin and (b) doesn't want a baby right now and (c) isn't sure about where she wants to live in the future. No matter how much he loves you, there's also some arrogance there.
You have to be true to yourself first, here, Anon. You have to do it now, before marriage, so that you will set the pattern of being equal partners from the very start. He clearly had the time to get his education, find his career path, and become successful at it. You deserve the same.
It sounds to me as though you are not late yet on your period. And, again, it sounds to me as though there is only the tiniest of chances that sperm could have gotten through to make you pregnant. Breathe a little, Anon, and wait a few more days.
And make an appointment, OK? The birth control needs to be in your hands, here, not your boyfriend's.
Come back and update us anytime. I'm very glad to listen.
November 11, 2009 - 9:33amThis Comment
Reply