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I forget how I feel "a soft landing"/"a kindred spirit"... that someone else out there LIVES it and gets it... when I read your work.

I am sorry to hear about your recent relapse. I hope you are on an upswing, girl!;)

Was it an October thing?!... I, myself, had a very "good" summer. Very active September. And. then. October. HALT. Halt some more. I rarely left home. I forgot the horror of isolation and constantly being leveled. Even holding a telephone receiver or trying to converse. It's just recently that I feel that I'm coming to, some.

I loved what you wrote, here:

If you're enjoying yourself but it's nappy time ... go to bed. Close your eyes. Put the world on hold. This is, paradoxically, how you will keep a hold on your world, and not have it slip through your flaccid or twitching fingers.

It is simple. But it isn't easy. Life is calling, and we long to answer. But we must delay our answer to its call, so that we can offer a better response. Later.

Oh, it's that simple. And that hard. I never allow myself to stop, as I wake up late, "behind"... and try to make up for years of lost time. I always say that if I didn't live alone, I could rest, with "creature comforts" nearby. I force myself to leave home when my body is screaming to lay down. Just to be IN the world, around humans, if in a store, cafe... Or get ANY daylight. But I must stop making excuses, even in the pain of loneliness, I suppose. As you say, so that I can respond (or show up!) better, later. Or maybe even consider (the dreaded) housing or roommate shares, down the line. (Years ago there was discussion of CFS co-housing homes, but I don't think many, if any got off the ground. I sort of love this idea!).

I know, CFS conference calls/commisserations/fun --from bed. On speaker!

Ok, I'm getting offtrack, big time. Thank you, thank you, as always! Your writing helps us help ourselves!

Sending love and healing!;)

November 12, 2009 - 2:48am


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