I'm so sorry for your daughter's friend, and for your daughter and all the young people who will be dealing with this man's suicide in so many ways for so many years.
Sometimes there are signs, and sometimes there aren't. One of the most important things for this man's children to realize is that it was not their fault. It is common for those left behind to question: What could they have done differently? How could they have changed the outcome? And it's especially common for children to believe that if they had been "better" children that it wouldn't have happened. It's heartbreaking.
There are as many different reasons for suicide as there are people. Some have substance-abuse problems. Some are dealing with a mental illness. Some have financial problems and they cannot see their way around them. Some are dealing with personal issues that are so difficult they feel like life here is hell and that they can't endure it any longer. Some simply believe that the lives of those they love would be better off without them.
It's wrong thinking. But in the throes of their pain, they can't see that any longer.
Here's a page discussing how to talk about suicide with children:
http://www.fiercegoodbye.com/?P=23
I'm so glad that your daughter is talking about this with you, and that she feels free to tell you her innermost thoughts (as in, How could he do this to his children?). What she's also aching to know, in her own way, is "could this ever happen to me?" By being honest with her, you help her separate how her friend's situation could not happen to her.
And here's a very good page on what the children may be thinking and how to counter these thoughts:
I am sure you are encouraging your daughter to stay close to her friend. She is needed right now, as a companion, a confidante and a shoulder to cry on. You can be a source of support for her, too. Don't be afraid to mention her dad, to mention that you miss him, too, and don't miss a chance to say something good about her father. When my father died (not by suicide, but it was sudden), I cherished those words that others said to me. It helped me to know that they thought my dad was such a good man.
Angelica, I can tell what a caring and sensitive mom you are. Please write back a little later and let us know how your daughter and her friend are doing.
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Angelica,
I'm so sorry for your daughter's friend, and for your daughter and all the young people who will be dealing with this man's suicide in so many ways for so many years.
Sometimes there are signs, and sometimes there aren't. One of the most important things for this man's children to realize is that it was not their fault. It is common for those left behind to question: What could they have done differently? How could they have changed the outcome? And it's especially common for children to believe that if they had been "better" children that it wouldn't have happened. It's heartbreaking.
There are as many different reasons for suicide as there are people. Some have substance-abuse problems. Some are dealing with a mental illness. Some have financial problems and they cannot see their way around them. Some are dealing with personal issues that are so difficult they feel like life here is hell and that they can't endure it any longer. Some simply believe that the lives of those they love would be better off without them.
It's wrong thinking. But in the throes of their pain, they can't see that any longer.
Here's a page discussing how to talk about suicide with children:
http://www.fiercegoodbye.com/?P=23
I'm so glad that your daughter is talking about this with you, and that she feels free to tell you her innermost thoughts (as in, How could he do this to his children?). What she's also aching to know, in her own way, is "could this ever happen to me?" By being honest with her, you help her separate how her friend's situation could not happen to her.
And here's a very good page on what the children may be thinking and how to counter these thoughts:
http://www.camh.net/About_Addiction_Mental_Health/Mental_Health_Information/when_parent_suicide.html
I am sure you are encouraging your daughter to stay close to her friend. She is needed right now, as a companion, a confidante and a shoulder to cry on. You can be a source of support for her, too. Don't be afraid to mention her dad, to mention that you miss him, too, and don't miss a chance to say something good about her father. When my father died (not by suicide, but it was sudden), I cherished those words that others said to me. It helped me to know that they thought my dad was such a good man.
Angelica, I can tell what a caring and sensitive mom you are. Please write back a little later and let us know how your daughter and her friend are doing.
November 24, 2009 - 10:23amThis Comment
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