I agree---the perspective from many people is to avoid someone who is sad, negative or generally "down", instead of taking a few moments to try to talk with them. Talk therapy is so helpful, even if it is just to a friend or co-worker, just to vent.
I think the problem is: we want to avoid confrontation. We have all had situations where we DO ask someone, "what's wrong?", and then end up listening to an hour-long "poor me" rant, when the person is not really sad or depressed. It is difficult to get out of those situations gracefully, without hurting feelings, and so we end up avoiding any similar future situations. It would be helpful for everyone to learn some "carefrontation" skills (instead of "confrontation"), so that we can kindly tell the "self-pitied" person that we are unable to listen to their story, so that we have enough time and energy to listen to someone who really needs us.
Any suggestions? How do you gauge which person really needs to be heard and understood vs. the person who is just "whining" and zapping our time and energy??
Comment Reply
Thank you for your thoughtful words!
I agree---the perspective from many people is to avoid someone who is sad, negative or generally "down", instead of taking a few moments to try to talk with them. Talk therapy is so helpful, even if it is just to a friend or co-worker, just to vent.
I think the problem is: we want to avoid confrontation. We have all had situations where we DO ask someone, "what's wrong?", and then end up listening to an hour-long "poor me" rant, when the person is not really sad or depressed. It is difficult to get out of those situations gracefully, without hurting feelings, and so we end up avoiding any similar future situations. It would be helpful for everyone to learn some "carefrontation" skills (instead of "confrontation"), so that we can kindly tell the "self-pitied" person that we are unable to listen to their story, so that we have enough time and energy to listen to someone who really needs us.
Any suggestions? How do you gauge which person really needs to be heard and understood vs. the person who is just "whining" and zapping our time and energy??
August 12, 2010 - 1:01pmThis Comment
Reply