I don't ever post online but I had to because I know the pain and torture of being stuck in love with someone who all of sudden is withdrawn and neglects your sexual and emotional needs. I am pursuing a career in psychiatry so I knew I could get to the bottom of this issue and resolve the problem, it was very hard and exhausting because I couldnt become my boyfriends therapist, but through trial and error I found out how to fix the problem and I'm going to share how. Of course not all situations aren't the same so my solution may not work for all problems. In my case my boyfriend just stopped wanting sex so abruptly in the honeymoon phase of our relationship which was very unusual and alarming for me. I'm an extremely attractive person and know I'm very good in bed and my boyfriend is attractive and good in bed but he is also slightly insecure and doesn't like to have the lights on during sex. One day me and him were at the gym together like we always were and he gave me this look I'll never forget, like i was Iinsignificant with a hint of guilt. I instantly knew something was wrong especially since we had only been together for about a month. I knew in my gut that he was interested in other women but i didnt want to jump the gun and start accusing him of anything crazy so i just let it go but after that everything went south. He stopped wanting sex and he would reject me a lot. He always had the "my stomach hurts" excuse every night to try and establish that he wasn't having sex and whenever we did I had to force him. I ALWAYS do all the work (on top)and initiate it. I also thought it was odd that he never asked for nude pics and hed give me dirty looks if i ever mentioned anything that was sexual. I know he absolutely loves sex with me, theres no question about it and he has always told me I was the best and would even thank me. It got to the point where we'd only have sex about once a month and he was less affectionate and never wanted to take me out or do fun things with me which was a red flag. He spent alot of time on his phone and got sucked into games, his parents were really rich and he was very spoiled. He didn't work and would play xbox all day or go out with friend. It was all very strange because ive always known him as a very sweet guy and everybody who meets him falls in love with him, hes a real gentleman and very polite, ALWAYS opens the door for me and does really sweet things. He is just genuinely a kind soul and would never do anything to hurt a fly...but I was in for a rude awakening. One day I was looking at his phone and saw he had been "looking for girls who play playstation" on kik he also had a picture of some girls butt. I confronted him and he claimed that he did it because when he went through my phone he saw pics of me and other guys and did it out of spite (they were pics of me and my ex I forgot to delete and assured him that I didnt keep them on purpose) and i gave him the benefit of the doubt and figured he had way too much time on his hands and needed a job. I knew he was insecure about not having a Job and living at home which made me want to believe that maybe he was just so insecure that it was affecting his libido. I helped him get a job so he'd have more confidence but nothing really changed. I starred to wonder if maybe he has erectile dysfunction and hid it with pills (viagra or performance pills) or had performance fear/anxiety but I eventually ruled those 2 possibilities out and his testosterone levels were also normal. After i found a ton of different women's dirty underwear hiding in his closet i knew he wasnt lacking sexual experience either so that wasnt the problem either. I really started to feel ugly and insecure and I was extremely unhappy and frustrated because I couldn't talk to anyone about it and when I tried talking to him about it, it would turn into a fight and he was just claim that he doesn't like sex often and he's always been that way (I knew it had to be bullshit). One day I walked in him in the bathroom while he was mastubating which really upset me because Ive been sexually deprived and he was "too sick" for sex yet fine enought to beat off. Ive told him since day one that im very open to new things and would do anything to please him but hed never tell me what he liked or what he wanted i always guessed. i just didn't understand any of this and wondered if he had some fetish i couldn't satisfy. i had to know so i thought about checking his porn history to see what he likes and went through his phone ...I'm still in shock by all the things i found. Mostly the multiple email accounts and aliases for dating and social apps like kik snapchat tumblr twitter and much more.... he even asked for naked pictures of other women online and has never asked for nudes of me which was what set me off...i also found his extensive porno preferences which wasn't too crazy other than his obsession with cheating women. I was hurt and didn't know how to approach the problem so I didn't say anything and wanted to see if I tried applying the things he liked he'd open up to me sexually and he wouldnt seek other women out from all these dating apps and of course he loved it but STILL didn't initiate sex or change. I also know it wasnt my looks or my performance because i always stay on top of my looks and take very good care of my body and ive always had men absolutely crazy about me because of how great i am in bed so i was very baffled by my situation. I realized it could only mean one thing and it was the worst possibility and that he has an intimacy disorder where all of his sexual focus went to cybersex affairs and he was addicted to porn and completely left me out of the picture. I finally confronted him and he told me that ill never trust him so i told him I would never be able to start trusting him until I physically watched him log into all of his accounts and delete all of his apps so he did and STILL didn't seem interested in sex and at that point I was done. I told him i give up on him and I'm moving on. I started packing my things when he told me to give him a few days to show me that he would change. He had sex with me 3 times that day and has initiated everytime he actually notices and appreciates my body and gives me attention. Hopefully it never changes but I figured I should put this out here for all the women suffering with a similar problem. Don't be afraid to tackle this issue because if the situation was reversed just know theyd leave you or cheat on you in a heartbeat. Before you make the ultimatum make sure you rule out all possiblities first (insecurities, E.D, low testosterone, porn addiction, depression, cheating, etc.) and if all else fails LEAVE! Stand your ground and if they don't have it in them to just make love to you to keep you then youre not losing anything you're doing yourself a favor. Life's way too short to be wasting time, especially your sex life and sex is just as important as all other aspects in a relationship
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I don't ever post online but I had to because I know the pain and torture of being stuck in love with someone who all of sudden is withdrawn and neglects your sexual and emotional needs. I am pursuing a career in psychiatry so I knew I could get to the bottom of this issue and resolve the problem, it was very hard and exhausting because I couldnt become my boyfriends therapist, but through trial and error I found out how to fix the problem and I'm going to share how. Of course not all situations aren't the same so my solution may not work for all problems. In my case my boyfriend just stopped wanting sex so abruptly in the honeymoon phase of our relationship which was very unusual and alarming for me. I'm an extremely attractive person and know I'm very good in bed and my boyfriend is attractive and good in bed but he is also slightly insecure and doesn't like to have the lights on during sex. One day me and him were at the gym together like we always were and he gave me this look I'll never forget, like i was Iinsignificant with a hint of guilt. I instantly knew something was wrong especially since we had only been together for about a month. I knew in my gut that he was interested in other women but i didnt want to jump the gun and start accusing him of anything crazy so i just let it go but after that everything went south. He stopped wanting sex and he would reject me a lot. He always had the "my stomach hurts" excuse every night to try and establish that he wasn't having sex and whenever we did I had to force him. I ALWAYS do all the work (on top)and initiate it. I also thought it was odd that he never asked for nude pics and hed give me dirty looks if i ever mentioned anything that was sexual. I know he absolutely loves sex with me, theres no question about it and he has always told me I was the best and would even thank me. It got to the point where we'd only have sex about once a month and he was less affectionate and never wanted to take me out or do fun things with me which was a red flag. He spent alot of time on his phone and got sucked into games, his parents were really rich and he was very spoiled. He didn't work and would play xbox all day or go out with friend. It was all very strange because ive always known him as a very sweet guy and everybody who meets him falls in love with him, hes a real gentleman and very polite, ALWAYS opens the door for me and does really sweet things. He is just genuinely a kind soul and would never do anything to hurt a fly...but I was in for a rude awakening. One day I was looking at his phone and saw he had been "looking for girls who play playstation" on kik he also had a picture of some girls butt. I confronted him and he claimed that he did it because when he went through my phone he saw pics of me and other guys and did it out of spite (they were pics of me and my ex I forgot to delete and assured him that I didnt keep them on purpose) and i gave him the benefit of the doubt and figured he had way too much time on his hands and needed a job. I knew he was insecure about not having a Job and living at home which made me want to believe that maybe he was just so insecure that it was affecting his libido. I helped him get a job so he'd have more confidence but nothing really changed. I starred to wonder if maybe he has erectile dysfunction and hid it with pills (viagra or performance pills) or had performance fear/anxiety but I eventually ruled those 2 possibilities out and his testosterone levels were also normal. After i found a ton of different women's dirty underwear hiding in his closet i knew he wasnt lacking sexual experience either so that wasnt the problem either. I really started to feel ugly and insecure and I was extremely unhappy and frustrated because I couldn't talk to anyone about it and when I tried talking to him about it, it would turn into a fight and he was just claim that he doesn't like sex often and he's always been that way (I knew it had to be bullshit). One day I walked in him in the bathroom while he was mastubating which really upset me because Ive been sexually deprived and he was "too sick" for sex yet fine enought to beat off. Ive told him since day one that im very open to new things and would do anything to please him but hed never tell me what he liked or what he wanted i always guessed. i just didn't understand any of this and wondered if he had some fetish i couldn't satisfy. i had to know so i thought about checking his porn history to see what he likes and went through his phone ...I'm still in shock by all the things i found. Mostly the multiple email accounts and aliases for dating and social apps like kik snapchat tumblr twitter and much more.... he even asked for naked pictures of other women online and has never asked for nudes of me which was what set me off...i also found his extensive porno preferences which wasn't too crazy other than his obsession with cheating women. I was hurt and didn't know how to approach the problem so I didn't say anything and wanted to see if I tried applying the things he liked he'd open up to me sexually and he wouldnt seek other women out from all these dating apps and of course he loved it but STILL didn't initiate sex or change. I also know it wasnt my looks or my performance because i always stay on top of my looks and take very good care of my body and ive always had men absolutely crazy about me because of how great i am in bed so i was very baffled by my situation. I realized it could only mean one thing and it was the worst possibility and that he has an intimacy disorder where all of his sexual focus went to cybersex affairs and he was addicted to porn and completely left me out of the picture. I finally confronted him and he told me that ill never trust him so i told him I would never be able to start trusting him until I physically watched him log into all of his accounts and delete all of his apps so he did and STILL didn't seem interested in sex and at that point I was done. I told him i give up on him and I'm moving on. I started packing my things when he told me to give him a few days to show me that he would change. He had sex with me 3 times that day and has initiated everytime he actually notices and appreciates my body and gives me attention. Hopefully it never changes but I figured I should put this out here for all the women suffering with a similar problem. Don't be afraid to tackle this issue because if the situation was reversed just know theyd leave you or cheat on you in a heartbeat. Before you make the ultimatum make sure you rule out all possiblities first (insecurities, E.D, low testosterone, porn addiction, depression, cheating, etc.) and if all else fails LEAVE! Stand your ground and if they don't have it in them to just make love to you to keep you then youre not losing anything you're doing yourself a favor. Life's way too short to be wasting time, especially your sex life and sex is just as important as all other aspects in a relationship
March 18, 2017 - 4:08pmThis Comment
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