I'm so sorry that this is happening. I would like to ask if anything else in your lives have changed since you got married. Is he having extra stress at work? Are finances an issue?
I want to point out that it is both people's responsibility to try to make all parts of a marriage work, including the sexual part. The fact that you are going to the gym and trying to look nice is great, but you are totally focused on him, him, him, and not about how it makes you feel. You should go to the gym because it keeps you healthy and feeling great; you should wear a dress because it makes you feel pretty; you get manicures because it makes you feel well-groomed and taken care of. But what I hear is that you are believing that there is something wrong with you and that that's the reason you aren't having sex. That's just not the issue here.
I agree with Miscortes -- you HAVE to be able to talk about this, or the marriage isn't going to work. It's that simple. Clearly, he feels somehow differently than he did before you were married. (Am I wrong? Or did this problem start before you tied the knot.) So it's necessary for him to help you figure out where the problem lies. His age -- 26 -- is not an excuse. He's not old. He's young, and so are you.
Is there any other problem you suspect? Does he look at porn? Does he drink, or do drugs? Could he be depressed? Let's look at this from multiple directions and see if there are any other likely explanations.
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Broken,
I'm so sorry that this is happening. I would like to ask if anything else in your lives have changed since you got married. Is he having extra stress at work? Are finances an issue?
I want to point out that it is both people's responsibility to try to make all parts of a marriage work, including the sexual part. The fact that you are going to the gym and trying to look nice is great, but you are totally focused on him, him, him, and not about how it makes you feel. You should go to the gym because it keeps you healthy and feeling great; you should wear a dress because it makes you feel pretty; you get manicures because it makes you feel well-groomed and taken care of. But what I hear is that you are believing that there is something wrong with you and that that's the reason you aren't having sex. That's just not the issue here.
I agree with Miscortes -- you HAVE to be able to talk about this, or the marriage isn't going to work. It's that simple. Clearly, he feels somehow differently than he did before you were married. (Am I wrong? Or did this problem start before you tied the knot.) So it's necessary for him to help you figure out where the problem lies. His age -- 26 -- is not an excuse. He's not old. He's young, and so are you.
Is there any other problem you suspect? Does he look at porn? Does he drink, or do drugs? Could he be depressed? Let's look at this from multiple directions and see if there are any other likely explanations.
December 22, 2009 - 8:40amThis Comment
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