Wow! This story gave me chills! It's so real to me. I've been married for 16 years to a man with OCPD. During one marriage counselor session, after about our 8th visit the therapist handed us a piece of paper with about 10 characteristics of OCPD and he had 9 of them. It has been hell on our family! He has gotten so bad (and depressed), that he doesn't work. 10 years ago, we decided he would stop work and work on remodeling our 130 yr old home. You know what i'm going to say next..... his obsessive perfectionist ways have drawn this into a series of 1/2 finished projects and 6 weeks morphs into months, and i to years. He had to custom build wooden cabinets since no manufacturer can make them correctly. He refused to put doors on them because people "myself and the kids" intentionally leave them open "just to piss him off". He will fly into a rage because dishes were left out, but yet he doesn't want anyone to do the dishes because they aren't done correctly. He lectures me as if I am his child. When he gets mad, he says the most hateful, vicious things I have ever heard. He uses my deepest, darkest fears and throws them at me to make me hurt. He does this with a calm, smirklike expression. When our daughter was 2 days old, we came home from the hospital and I was up all night nursing her. Finally, she fell asleep in the swing for a couple hours. He came stomping down the stairs the next am and checked the swing pad, it was wet, he woke her up when he started yelling and screaming at me for allowing the swing to be soiled and would cause more laundry for him. Everytime we go on a trip, he turns into an angry nightmare, yelling at everyone. He also has the inability to express intimacy. He can't talk about his feelings, ever! He gets angry at me when I discuss anything "deep" like politics or sensitive topics. He tells me that I have no friends, that people don't like me. Anytime we argue, he perpetually spins the conversation off topic to avoid being wrong. He self-medicates with alcohol and marijuana. He won't stop no matter what I, his friends or children say. Our kids are embarrassed of him and don't want to bring their friends around. My youngest daughter guages his sobriety prior to being in the room with him. Between drinking and incessant teasing that he does, life for me is hell. He teases me every night before bedtime - relentlessly. I politely ask him to stop and he refuses. He must control the remote control for the tv at all times. He ensures that the programming is so.complex that no one else can use it. He has no respect for anyone else. Then there's the never ending changing of rules, ordering, expectations and frugality. Just when I think that I have figured out how to avoid landmines, the rules change and new landmines are planted. He is also very careful about keeping his chastising, name calling insults away from others. That way he can deny it, or conveniently forget it. Recently he blew a gasket at a party over a minuscule thing that I said in which he took wrong. He left the party and stranded me and some others. He wouldn't answer the phone and he locked us out. He texted me some hateful things & asked me to file for divorce. My family saw it all happen and were horrified! I finally asked him to leave and he did. He planned to go to his mothers in another state and figure out what he's going to do. Now he's asking me to take him back!?!? Seriously? I doubt that he can change. This is a horrible disease!
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Wow! This story gave me chills! It's so real to me. I've been married for 16 years to a man with OCPD. During one marriage counselor session, after about our 8th visit the therapist handed us a piece of paper with about 10 characteristics of OCPD and he had 9 of them. It has been hell on our family! He has gotten so bad (and depressed), that he doesn't work. 10 years ago, we decided he would stop work and work on remodeling our 130 yr old home. You know what i'm going to say next..... his obsessive perfectionist ways have drawn this into a series of 1/2 finished projects and 6 weeks morphs into months, and i to years. He had to custom build wooden cabinets since no manufacturer can make them correctly. He refused to put doors on them because people "myself and the kids" intentionally leave them open "just to piss him off". He will fly into a rage because dishes were left out, but yet he doesn't want anyone to do the dishes because they aren't done correctly. He lectures me as if I am his child. When he gets mad, he says the most hateful, vicious things I have ever heard. He uses my deepest, darkest fears and throws them at me to make me hurt. He does this with a calm, smirklike expression. When our daughter was 2 days old, we came home from the hospital and I was up all night nursing her. Finally, she fell asleep in the swing for a couple hours. He came stomping down the stairs the next am and checked the swing pad, it was wet, he woke her up when he started yelling and screaming at me for allowing the swing to be soiled and would cause more laundry for him. Everytime we go on a trip, he turns into an angry nightmare, yelling at everyone. He also has the inability to express intimacy. He can't talk about his feelings, ever! He gets angry at me when I discuss anything "deep" like politics or sensitive topics. He tells me that I have no friends, that people don't like me. Anytime we argue, he perpetually spins the conversation off topic to avoid being wrong. He self-medicates with alcohol and marijuana. He won't stop no matter what I, his friends or children say. Our kids are embarrassed of him and don't want to bring their friends around. My youngest daughter guages his sobriety prior to being in the room with him. Between drinking and incessant teasing that he does, life for me is hell. He teases me every night before bedtime - relentlessly. I politely ask him to stop and he refuses. He must control the remote control for the tv at all times. He ensures that the programming is so.complex that no one else can use it. He has no respect for anyone else. Then there's the never ending changing of rules, ordering, expectations and frugality. Just when I think that I have figured out how to avoid landmines, the rules change and new landmines are planted. He is also very careful about keeping his chastising, name calling insults away from others. That way he can deny it, or conveniently forget it. Recently he blew a gasket at a party over a minuscule thing that I said in which he took wrong. He left the party and stranded me and some others. He wouldn't answer the phone and he locked us out. He texted me some hateful things & asked me to file for divorce. My family saw it all happen and were horrified! I finally asked him to leave and he did. He planned to go to his mothers in another state and figure out what he's going to do. Now he's asking me to take him back!?!? Seriously? I doubt that he can change. This is a horrible disease!
October 23, 2016 - 7:04pmThis Comment
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