Hi Melissa - As I was reading your post I had the strangest feeling because what you're saying is exactly what I have been thinking, and feeling, and experiencing on many occasions. No, I'm NOT saying I know exactly how you feel because no one can. But boy can I relate to feeling all alone in dealing with cancer, having anxiety that makes no sense, and being utterly exhausted sometimes from doing things that I used to not even have to think about doing and more or less did automatically.
Of course you're upset! And you're going to have many other upsetting days! The truth is no one ever prepared us for what it's REALLY like to have cancer. And so much of dealing with cancer is just very hard to put into words so even when you do talk about it, at times, it still feels like you haven't really gotten out what you want to say and no one will ever understand.
I find that one of the hardest parts of all of this is losing what used to be "normal" and not knowing what the new "normal" should be. I hope that makes sense to you because I think that may be part of what you're dealing with too. Sometimes dealing with all this abnormal stuff just builds up anxieties and becomes so frustrating that you just have to let it out - I wouldn't worry about anything you said while frustrated because most caregivers understand where the comments come from and that getting them out is helpful.
Melissa, I'm so glad you're comfortable sharing what you're going through with us. There will be people in the future who are going to learn so much from what you're sharing - the good days and the bad ones too. All of it is valuable. We're looking forward to your next post, no matter what kind of day you've had and no matter what you need to tell us. We're here for you. Take care, Pat