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Mimi89,
Unfortunately, the reason that your husband gave you for him not wanting sex could be the actual reason: your gaining weight. Of course, it could be an excuse, but no one will be able to tell you except for your husband.

Either way, it is (my opinion) very harmful, hurtful and disrespectful that he would blame the lack-of-sex on you (gaining weight), without taking any responsibility of his own. There are two scenarios here:
1. does he still love you and want to stick by his wedding vows? is he concerned about your weight gain because of medical/health reasons, and if so, is he trying to help in other ways (cook healthy meals for both of you, go grocery shopping, exercise with you, go on long walks, etc.)?
2. does he have this image of how you are supposed to look, and is he only concerned with outward appearances? do you still feel connected with him in other ways, or does he display this unkind-side of himself in other ways in your relationship? I would assume if he thinks you have gained too much weight to have sex with, he probably treats you poorly in other ways as well?

I'm interested to hear more about your story, as I think you are validated in feeling extremely upset. I am not clear if he is truly concerned about you and trying to help, or if he is just being mean (and would display this in other areas of your relationship, too). Is he willing to talk with you about your concerns, or does he brush them off (and brush you off?). These are more important questions to answer right now, irregardless of anyone's sex drive or speculating if they are cheating or not...just the fact that he would say you have gained too much weight and THAT is the ONE reason he does not want to have sex with you just does not make for a healthy relationship.

February 7, 2010 - 8:03pm

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