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Hi Tom - Thanks for sharing your take with us. What you're saying will likely make sense to some, and not make sense to others. It certainly makes sense on your end.

You mention that you've been with your wife for 20 years, which likely makes the two of you in your 40's, and your wife's mother in her 60's or so. Some of the women I know who are in their 60's got no information about sex, let alone sexual pleasure, from their own mothers and didn't have discussions about sexuality with their own daughters. Perhaps that's the case for your wife. Are you able to have discussions about this with your wife, or does she avoid the topic? Have you tried suggesting working with a third-party, perhaps a counselor or sex therapist? What do you think is blocking her from seeking pleasure for herself? Perhaps Valentine's Day could be an occasion to try to make some headway by assuring her of your love, and then talking about how to intensify that love through mutual pleasure. What do you think? Pat