Hi married4-10yrs - Thank you for writing to us. I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing your situation. As I read your comments, there seem to be two different concerns. First, your husband's relationship with pornographic materials and second, and more important, his relationship with you.
You've asked, "How can you lie and hide something from someone you love?" It sounds like you've attempted to discuss your concerns about deception regarding several things related to porn. Do you think he is lying and hiding other things from you? Or do you feel that you have a good, open and honest relationship about everything except the porn?
You mentioned that you were the first woman in his life, and the first girl he's ever been with. What you've described sounds in many respects like adolescent behavior and not that of a mature individual. He may see counseling as a threat rather than a way to improve his knowledge and his relationship with you. What do you think are the barriers to his getting counseling? How have you presented the concept to him?
Sorry to hit you with so many questions, but my sense is that you want to explore this and talk about it and get some advice. The more we understand your situation, the more we can help. I'm also going to ask one of my colleagues who has more knowledge about sexual behaviors to also take a look at your post.
Again, thanks for writing and we're looking forward to hearing more from you.
Comment Reply
Hi married4-10yrs - Thank you for writing to us. I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing your situation. As I read your comments, there seem to be two different concerns. First, your husband's relationship with pornographic materials and second, and more important, his relationship with you.
You've asked, "How can you lie and hide something from someone you love?" It sounds like you've attempted to discuss your concerns about deception regarding several things related to porn. Do you think he is lying and hiding other things from you? Or do you feel that you have a good, open and honest relationship about everything except the porn?
You mentioned that you were the first woman in his life, and the first girl he's ever been with. What you've described sounds in many respects like adolescent behavior and not that of a mature individual. He may see counseling as a threat rather than a way to improve his knowledge and his relationship with you. What do you think are the barriers to his getting counseling? How have you presented the concept to him?
Sorry to hit you with so many questions, but my sense is that you want to explore this and talk about it and get some advice. The more we understand your situation, the more we can help. I'm also going to ask one of my colleagues who has more knowledge about sexual behaviors to also take a look at your post.
Again, thanks for writing and we're looking forward to hearing more from you.
Take good care,
February 24, 2010 - 5:22pmPat
This Comment
Reply