Welcome to EmpowHer, and thanks so much for writing.
The first thing I'm worried about is you, not your boyfriend. If he cheated on you five months ago and you think he might do it again, are the two of you using condoms? You need to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases, and there's no way you can do it otherwise. This is exactly how they spread. It doesn't matter even if he "only did it once" -- when he has sex with someone else, he also is exposed to everyone that person has had sex with. And then when he has sex with you, YOU are then exposed to everyone that person has had sex with. So I want you to protect yourself while you work through this.
Second, the problem with cheating is that it breaks our trust and that trust is very, very hard to get back, as you know. Suddenly you start wondering all the time if the other person is seeing someone else or getting involved with them. Maybe they are, or maybe they aren't, but because they have broken your trust, they have changed your life and your relationship and that isn't easily fixed.
After your boyfriend cheated the first time, how did you learn about it? Did he tell you or did you find out about it in another way? When you talked about it with him, did it feel like he was being honest or was he evading the truth? Was he sorry, and genuinely remorseful, or was he angry that you had found out? Did you believe him, for real, if he said he was sorry? Or did it just feel like something he had to say to get you back?
What makes you worry that he might be cheating this time, in addition to the fact that he seems distracted when you are having sex? Has something changed about his schedule or about how he talks with you? Is he gone more, or are there times you can't get in touch with him?
He might be cheating; he might not. What you have to ask yourself is why are you back with him if you don't trust him. Is this the way you want to live? Is he trustworthy after all?
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Lover_girrl,
Welcome to EmpowHer, and thanks so much for writing.
The first thing I'm worried about is you, not your boyfriend. If he cheated on you five months ago and you think he might do it again, are the two of you using condoms? You need to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases, and there's no way you can do it otherwise. This is exactly how they spread. It doesn't matter even if he "only did it once" -- when he has sex with someone else, he also is exposed to everyone that person has had sex with. And then when he has sex with you, YOU are then exposed to everyone that person has had sex with. So I want you to protect yourself while you work through this.
Second, the problem with cheating is that it breaks our trust and that trust is very, very hard to get back, as you know. Suddenly you start wondering all the time if the other person is seeing someone else or getting involved with them. Maybe they are, or maybe they aren't, but because they have broken your trust, they have changed your life and your relationship and that isn't easily fixed.
After your boyfriend cheated the first time, how did you learn about it? Did he tell you or did you find out about it in another way? When you talked about it with him, did it feel like he was being honest or was he evading the truth? Was he sorry, and genuinely remorseful, or was he angry that you had found out? Did you believe him, for real, if he said he was sorry? Or did it just feel like something he had to say to get you back?
What makes you worry that he might be cheating this time, in addition to the fact that he seems distracted when you are having sex? Has something changed about his schedule or about how he talks with you? Is he gone more, or are there times you can't get in touch with him?
He might be cheating; he might not. What you have to ask yourself is why are you back with him if you don't trust him. Is this the way you want to live? Is he trustworthy after all?
What do you think? Does this make any sense?
March 18, 2010 - 9:05amThis Comment
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