I'm very impressed at your insight into the things he says, and that some of them are true. It is true that there are two sides to every story, and it's important to try to see both of them, even when we are in turmoil.
It sounds to me -- a little bit at least -- that you feel you've had to be the only real grownup in the house. That in essence you have three kids -- your two boys and your husband -- who you have to supervise and take care of. If so, that's an incredible stress. It does zap some of the free spirit out of us when that happens.
The one who feels like they are being the adult is put in the position of always saying no. And the one who feels like they are put in the position of being the child feels over-controlled.
In reality, what you want is two grownups sharing both the free spirit and the responsibilities. It doesn't sound like you have that. Could the 3-day workshop help? It might, primarily because (a) you'd be away from the kids and have all the time to just focus on the two of you, and (b) it's led by someone who would not be seen as "ganging up" on one or the other partner, and (c) it could be seen as a fresh start. But if your husband has a hard time believing in therapy, I'm not sure he'll think that a 3-day workshop is a good idea.
I hope that your counseling appointment today is fruitful and that your husband continues to go. Keep up the good work, Alone. I know it's not easy.
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Alone2010,
I'm very impressed at your insight into the things he says, and that some of them are true. It is true that there are two sides to every story, and it's important to try to see both of them, even when we are in turmoil.
It sounds to me -- a little bit at least -- that you feel you've had to be the only real grownup in the house. That in essence you have three kids -- your two boys and your husband -- who you have to supervise and take care of. If so, that's an incredible stress. It does zap some of the free spirit out of us when that happens.
The one who feels like they are being the adult is put in the position of always saying no. And the one who feels like they are put in the position of being the child feels over-controlled.
In reality, what you want is two grownups sharing both the free spirit and the responsibilities. It doesn't sound like you have that. Could the 3-day workshop help? It might, primarily because (a) you'd be away from the kids and have all the time to just focus on the two of you, and (b) it's led by someone who would not be seen as "ganging up" on one or the other partner, and (c) it could be seen as a fresh start. But if your husband has a hard time believing in therapy, I'm not sure he'll think that a 3-day workshop is a good idea.
I hope that your counseling appointment today is fruitful and that your husband continues to go. Keep up the good work, Alone. I know it's not easy.
March 29, 2010 - 10:45amThis Comment
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