I can only imagine how awful it must have been to hear your husband says that he only wants peace and to be out of the marriage. That's pretty definitive to me.
I think at some point you have to ask yourself (maybe you are already doing it) if it is going to be worth the fight. You say you can't let go without one, and I understand that. You are fighting for your marriage and you are fighting for your children's family. If your husband agrees to continue with counseling, you can't assume that that counseling will bring him back to the marriage. Counseling is meant to help each person find what is inside them and how to make their life better, and his counseling may just reinforce the fact for him that he wants to move on.
It sounds to me like you and your husband could not be farther apart right now.
He wants you to be different, and he's ready to move on.
You want him to be different, and to stay.
And in the middle of this is still the "secret phone" and the woman on the other end.
I think it's great if the two of you can continue counseling and start to work on your issues. But please do protect yourself and don't live with your hopes too high. I can tell from your last paragraph that you are very much grieving for what used to be. Don't forget that he is the one who introduced the deception into this marriage, so for him, it changed whenever that happened. None of us can ever "go back" to the way we used to be. We can just go forward and hope to learn from our pasts, you know?
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Alone,
I can only imagine how awful it must have been to hear your husband says that he only wants peace and to be out of the marriage. That's pretty definitive to me.
I think at some point you have to ask yourself (maybe you are already doing it) if it is going to be worth the fight. You say you can't let go without one, and I understand that. You are fighting for your marriage and you are fighting for your children's family. If your husband agrees to continue with counseling, you can't assume that that counseling will bring him back to the marriage. Counseling is meant to help each person find what is inside them and how to make their life better, and his counseling may just reinforce the fact for him that he wants to move on.
It sounds to me like you and your husband could not be farther apart right now.
He wants you to be different, and he's ready to move on.
You want him to be different, and to stay.
And in the middle of this is still the "secret phone" and the woman on the other end.
I think it's great if the two of you can continue counseling and start to work on your issues. But please do protect yourself and don't live with your hopes too high. I can tell from your last paragraph that you are very much grieving for what used to be. Don't forget that he is the one who introduced the deception into this marriage, so for him, it changed whenever that happened. None of us can ever "go back" to the way we used to be. We can just go forward and hope to learn from our pasts, you know?
March 31, 2010 - 9:53amThis Comment
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