What a difficult situation. It's complicated and multi-layered and doesn't seem good for anyone involved.
I'm not sure what you mean by "an abusive manipulation," exactly, but yes, it does seem as though this has been an emotionally abusive situation (and almost physically abusive). Anytime someone yells, screams, belittles, calls another person profane names and threatens them, that's emotional abuse. Loving people do not do these things.
I'm not sure that's a crime, however, and to "report him" wouldn't do much good unless there were some laws broken somewhere along the way (as in physical abuse).
Is your friend in counseling? It sounds like what is most needed here is someone to help her objectively see her situation and help her work through it, in her own time. Friends can only do so much. You are obviously close to her and supportive of her, so you see what I mean. Has therapy been suggested to her? Would she be in favor of it? Most university systems do have student health care, and counseling would be covered.
Since both of their childhoods were rough, it is possible that neither he nor she has ever had a good relationship as a role model. And a five-year history feels comfortable -- even if it's not healthy. It fits old patterns.
You mention that only you feel that this is emotional abuse. What do other people in her life say about the situation?
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Kmayes,
What a difficult situation. It's complicated and multi-layered and doesn't seem good for anyone involved.
I'm not sure what you mean by "an abusive manipulation," exactly, but yes, it does seem as though this has been an emotionally abusive situation (and almost physically abusive). Anytime someone yells, screams, belittles, calls another person profane names and threatens them, that's emotional abuse. Loving people do not do these things.
I'm not sure that's a crime, however, and to "report him" wouldn't do much good unless there were some laws broken somewhere along the way (as in physical abuse).
Is your friend in counseling? It sounds like what is most needed here is someone to help her objectively see her situation and help her work through it, in her own time. Friends can only do so much. You are obviously close to her and supportive of her, so you see what I mean. Has therapy been suggested to her? Would she be in favor of it? Most university systems do have student health care, and counseling would be covered.
Since both of their childhoods were rough, it is possible that neither he nor she has ever had a good relationship as a role model. And a five-year history feels comfortable -- even if it's not healthy. It fits old patterns.
You mention that only you feel that this is emotional abuse. What do other people in her life say about the situation?
March 24, 2010 - 11:45amThis Comment
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