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Hi NoSecrets-

It sounds like you have a pretty complicated situation there. That puts a lot of stress on a relationship. Your boyfriend is probably very stressed out knowing his relationship with you isn't solid on top of trying to care for his mother, but really it comes down to a couple of things.

1. Why is your relationship on and off? Why have you broken up before? Why did you get back together?

2. You say you want it to work out. Why? What do you get out of the relationship?

If you can sit down and think about why you are there, what brought you to be with this man in the first place, and why you want things to work out, it will help motivate you to work on it. Relationships are difficult under the best circumstances. There is give and take and sometimes one partner does all the giving for a while before things even out again. It's just the nature of life. It is emotionally difficult to have a sick mother whether that relationship is good or bad, and often men have a hard time caring for a mother physically just as women can have difficulty physically caring for a father. It can be awkward and unsettling.

There are so many dynamics here. Have you considered some kind of couples counseling? If you truly want things to work out, decide why you love him and want to be there, and open communication with him. Talk to him about how you are feeling. Listen to him explain what he is feeling with all of his responsibilities. Validate each other's feelings. We all need validation. Then consider counseling.

If you do all this thinking and the reasons you have broken up are still there and valid, then you have to decide whether you really want to be there. There aren't too many things more depressing than being in a relationship you don't want to be in. So as Ann Landers used to say, think about whether you are better off or happier with or without him. Only you can do that. Couples counseling can help you either way.

March 26, 2010 - 6:40am

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