Taking some time to get away, just the two of you, is a wonderful idea. Especially if you can go somewhere relaxing, where you'll be tempted to just really lose whatever stress that home and work brings, and let the loveliness of vacation take over.
I think it's great that you can talk to him about this in plain english and that he'll listen. The next step is to get him to understand, and that shouldn't be as hard as it has been! I am assuming that he is aware of when you orgasm and when you do not, and I'm assuming he's also aware that it used to happen more often than it does now. I'm not sure why he isn't making the connection that his behavior has a lot to do with the change!
Always inviting friends or a sister on a date is more of a get-together, not a date!! But it's fun. This is exactly what often happens in a comfortable, long-term relationship -- everyone gets so comfortable with it that it changes the dynamic.
I say if you have the time and ability to get away, even for a weekend, GO FOR IT! And see if you can leave the laptops, etc at home. Just go somewhere where you'll have breakfast, lunch and dinner together; where there are pretty places to take walks; where the pressure to do other things is off. See if that on its own sparks something fun in the bedroom. And if it doesn't, use the opportunity the next day to talk again about it (once you're out of the bedroom, that is). Make sure he knows that for you, not having an orgasm is somewhat similar to him having sex but not finishing.
You both are very lucky in that you know each other well, the lines of communication are open and you know all the mechanics do work. You just now have to get over this rough patch (which he probably doesn't even realize is a rough patch) so that you can be as happy with your sexual life as a couple as it seems he is.
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Elena,
Taking some time to get away, just the two of you, is a wonderful idea. Especially if you can go somewhere relaxing, where you'll be tempted to just really lose whatever stress that home and work brings, and let the loveliness of vacation take over.
I think it's great that you can talk to him about this in plain english and that he'll listen. The next step is to get him to understand, and that shouldn't be as hard as it has been! I am assuming that he is aware of when you orgasm and when you do not, and I'm assuming he's also aware that it used to happen more often than it does now. I'm not sure why he isn't making the connection that his behavior has a lot to do with the change!
Always inviting friends or a sister on a date is more of a get-together, not a date!! But it's fun. This is exactly what often happens in a comfortable, long-term relationship -- everyone gets so comfortable with it that it changes the dynamic.
I say if you have the time and ability to get away, even for a weekend, GO FOR IT! And see if you can leave the laptops, etc at home. Just go somewhere where you'll have breakfast, lunch and dinner together; where there are pretty places to take walks; where the pressure to do other things is off. See if that on its own sparks something fun in the bedroom. And if it doesn't, use the opportunity the next day to talk again about it (once you're out of the bedroom, that is). Make sure he knows that for you, not having an orgasm is somewhat similar to him having sex but not finishing.
You both are very lucky in that you know each other well, the lines of communication are open and you know all the mechanics do work. You just now have to get over this rough patch (which he probably doesn't even realize is a rough patch) so that you can be as happy with your sexual life as a couple as it seems he is.
April 5, 2010 - 9:57amThis Comment
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