I usually have fits of depression when I encounter anything even just slightly relevant to my insecurities or problems. I'm afraid of having to live like how I do now forever. I genuinely love my friends, but when I see them in their almost perfect and painless lives I become so angry and lonely and envious that I just withdraw, so I don't talk to them about this even though I trust them.
I really liked drawing and writing, but these past few months whenever I start something I keep thinking of ways on how to make people want to appreciate my works. Sometimes, I just stop a project in the middle because I realize no one really likes it. Now I suddenly realized I'm drawing and writing less and less.
There are moments when I really am cheery. Sometimes I forget my problems when I see my friends laughing and happy. But then something would come up and I would remember my real situation. After that maybe I'd laugh at a few jokes but it wouldn't be the same.
These down in the dumps sessions do end, but I just feel like I'm not really happy. I mean, there's no hope or faith or just plain contentment and acceptance of who I am and what I have. Like everything's just a black and white picture which brightens or darkens but never acquires color.
I'm fourteen, and I do think that might be reason enough to feel this way.
Comment Reply
I usually have fits of depression when I encounter anything even just slightly relevant to my insecurities or problems. I'm afraid of having to live like how I do now forever. I genuinely love my friends, but when I see them in their almost perfect and painless lives I become so angry and lonely and envious that I just withdraw, so I don't talk to them about this even though I trust them.
I really liked drawing and writing, but these past few months whenever I start something I keep thinking of ways on how to make people want to appreciate my works. Sometimes, I just stop a project in the middle because I realize no one really likes it. Now I suddenly realized I'm drawing and writing less and less.
There are moments when I really am cheery. Sometimes I forget my problems when I see my friends laughing and happy. But then something would come up and I would remember my real situation. After that maybe I'd laugh at a few jokes but it wouldn't be the same.
These down in the dumps sessions do end, but I just feel like I'm not really happy. I mean, there's no hope or faith or just plain contentment and acceptance of who I am and what I have. Like everything's just a black and white picture which brightens or darkens but never acquires color.
I'm fourteen, and I do think that might be reason enough to feel this way.
April 6, 2010 - 2:11amThis Comment
Reply