Hi EQ-
I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there myself. I think if you go back through and read your question as if someone else wrote it, you'll have your answer.
Time already spent is not a good reason to stay with someone. Being with someone who denies your needs, your aspirations and your opinions is difficult. You are clearly unhappy. If you marry this person, what will change? You asked yourself what he has done to make you want to marry him...marriage does not usually improve a rocky relationship. It often does the opposite because then people feel stuck, whether that is true or not.
I'm not a therapist, but I am someone who has been divorced. If you are not happy in a relationship, do not marry him. I can say that with 100 percent confidence. I think this is part of why our divorce rate is so high.
You should be able to feel loved, supported, and like a partner. You should not expect perfection, and there will be times when a relationship is hard and you may think "Ugh, I hate when it's like this." But deep down you care enough to stay, because those are moments and not years. You will know the difference.
Decide how you want your life to be going forward. Then do what it takes to get there. It really is that simple. Do not let any emotional blackmail or manipulation keep you from setting and achieving your goals. We create our own lives, and you are young, so think about what you want, and go get it.
I hope that helps you. If you need extra support and don't have family or friends you are comfortable with, you could always go for a counseling session. But you sound like your head is on pretty straight. You can check our relationship section to see what others are going through: https://www.empowher.com/relationships-family/sex-relationships
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Hi EQ-
I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there myself. I think if you go back through and read your question as if someone else wrote it, you'll have your answer.
Time already spent is not a good reason to stay with someone. Being with someone who denies your needs, your aspirations and your opinions is difficult. You are clearly unhappy. If you marry this person, what will change? You asked yourself what he has done to make you want to marry him...marriage does not usually improve a rocky relationship. It often does the opposite because then people feel stuck, whether that is true or not.
I'm not a therapist, but I am someone who has been divorced. If you are not happy in a relationship, do not marry him. I can say that with 100 percent confidence. I think this is part of why our divorce rate is so high.
You should be able to feel loved, supported, and like a partner. You should not expect perfection, and there will be times when a relationship is hard and you may think "Ugh, I hate when it's like this." But deep down you care enough to stay, because those are moments and not years. You will know the difference.
Decide how you want your life to be going forward. Then do what it takes to get there. It really is that simple. Do not let any emotional blackmail or manipulation keep you from setting and achieving your goals. We create our own lives, and you are young, so think about what you want, and go get it.
I hope that helps you. If you need extra support and don't have family or friends you are comfortable with, you could always go for a counseling session. But you sound like your head is on pretty straight. You can check our relationship section to see what others are going through: https://www.empowher.com/relationships-family/sex-relationships
Thank you for writing.
May 11, 2010 - 6:19amThis Comment
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