Wow, it's like reading my own story. I recently discovered "all at once" that my husband of 29 years has been cheating on me for 12 years. He has admitted to 4 long term affairs (one of them with my best friend that lasted 3 years) and the others with women that I also know. I suspect there are many more possibly including random hook ups while on business trips but he will not admit to that. Since this has come out I have had friend after friend tell me that he had also hit on them but that they turned him down. I feel completely gutted and betrayed. He of course is doing all the right things and getting counselling and doing everything he can to "save us" but I fear this is too little too late. He can not be trusted and is still in contact with his most recent affair. He was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago and has been medicated and counselled for the last 12 months. He didn't however admit to any infidelity until a few months ago and has now been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and they now also think BPD. I am staying with him for the time being while his medication is stabilised as he has been suicidal and I fear that me leaving would trigger another attempt. Once he is more stable however, I am gone. He has also (classically) been telling people how unsupportive I have been and that I am not who they think I am etc etc... next thing Idolizing me and saying how wonderful I am... Confusing for everyone. From what I read, sufferers of this illness tend to try anything to hang on to a relationship but once realising it is over will move on very quickly to another. I also gather that no matter how much treatment they have the risk of reoffending is very high and likely. I am so angry / hurt / gutted / grief stricken you name it I feel it. The loss of who I thought we were as a couple / the loss of our plans for the future / the loss of a friend who I now see was no friend at all / All the memories from the last 12 years I now am re- examining to try and figure out why I did not see this? All the happy times we had and there were many are now tainted knowing that this was going on behind the scenes. Thankfully my kids are adults and although affected by this will be ok. I just feel sad every day, some days it is almost overwhelming. The best thing I have done for myself is join the gym and get a bit of agro doing a bit of body combat / kick boxing.
I am blessed to be surrounded by some genuine supportive friends and a brilliant family.
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Wow, it's like reading my own story. I recently discovered "all at once" that my husband of 29 years has been cheating on me for 12 years. He has admitted to 4 long term affairs (one of them with my best friend that lasted 3 years) and the others with women that I also know. I suspect there are many more possibly including random hook ups while on business trips but he will not admit to that. Since this has come out I have had friend after friend tell me that he had also hit on them but that they turned him down. I feel completely gutted and betrayed. He of course is doing all the right things and getting counselling and doing everything he can to "save us" but I fear this is too little too late. He can not be trusted and is still in contact with his most recent affair. He was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago and has been medicated and counselled for the last 12 months. He didn't however admit to any infidelity until a few months ago and has now been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and they now also think BPD. I am staying with him for the time being while his medication is stabilised as he has been suicidal and I fear that me leaving would trigger another attempt. Once he is more stable however, I am gone. He has also (classically) been telling people how unsupportive I have been and that I am not who they think I am etc etc... next thing Idolizing me and saying how wonderful I am... Confusing for everyone. From what I read, sufferers of this illness tend to try anything to hang on to a relationship but once realising it is over will move on very quickly to another. I also gather that no matter how much treatment they have the risk of reoffending is very high and likely. I am so angry / hurt / gutted / grief stricken you name it I feel it. The loss of who I thought we were as a couple / the loss of our plans for the future / the loss of a friend who I now see was no friend at all / All the memories from the last 12 years I now am re- examining to try and figure out why I did not see this? All the happy times we had and there were many are now tainted knowing that this was going on behind the scenes. Thankfully my kids are adults and although affected by this will be ok. I just feel sad every day, some days it is almost overwhelming. The best thing I have done for myself is join the gym and get a bit of agro doing a bit of body combat / kick boxing.
May 7, 2015 - 5:58pmI am blessed to be surrounded by some genuine supportive friends and a brilliant family.
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