My boyfriend and I recently got engaged and up until now, I always believed he thought I was sexy/gorgeous/beautiful/proud to be with me, but then he dropped a bomb. Turns out, I don't turn him on, he's not sexually attracted to me, maybe a little physically attractive since all he says is "you're an attractive woman". He makes me feel ugly and unwanted. Now, I have never thought of myself as ugly. I have always been confident in my looks, and even been told I am an exotic beauty, but when it comes to how he views me, it breaks my heart to where I feel as if I'm in physical pain. I love him very much and am happy to be with him. I love our connection. We are best friends and have a great time together. We always have a blast and can talk about anything, but that physical desire isn't there for him the way it is for me. I always want him. If I could, we would have sex every day, a few times a day. He doesn't sexually satisfy me in the sense that I don't get it enough and my needs aren't always answered. Anytime he wants sex or even just head, I'm there for him. When it's the other way around, 80% of the time I get rejected. It is discouraging. I know I could get attention elsewhere and even try to be with someone else who would be physically attracted to me and want me all the time, but he's the man I set my heart on a long time ago. I'm struggling with deciding on is it enough for me to occasionally have that physical relationship with him compared to how great of a bond we have as partners, intellectually, and as friends. He does love and care for me. He does a lot for me and has even changed a lot to be a great man for me, but he's told me I'm not his type. He's with me because there is substance to me. If he wanted just a pretty girl that's what he would go be with. I hate how other random women turn him on, get his attention, and I have to fight for it. As his fiance, I feel that I shouldn't be fighting anymore for that attention. If he chose me, then why don't I get his attention? He's even said how he's accepted being with me, like he's settling for me. I'm not settling for him. I'm attracted to him in every way and really do only have eyes for him. I've never cheated. I've stayed 100% loyal to him. I don't give guys the time of day. I don't check out other guys or make comments like he does if he sees a woman who is his type. It's discouraging. I just really need advice/help. Should I marry him since in every other aspect of our lives, he fulfills? Should I be okay with him not ever viewing me as sexually attractive? Or, do I need to break off the engagement and wait to meet someone new who will want me just as much as I want them? I've had other guys tell me I'm gorgeous and sexy and any man would be lucky to have me by their side, but I know my fiance doesn't feel that way at all. He loves me because I'm a good woman, loyal, take care of business, cook, clean, work, raise kids, family-oriented (his family loves me and more than approves), and have good morals and values. Is that enough to stay with someone for the rest of your life? I know a relationship isn't all about sex, but it's a part of it. A part that if left unsatisfied will leak over into every other aspect of your relationship and cause unhappiness, resentment, and regret. I don't want to feel that, and as much as I love him and want to be with him, I don't want him to just settle for me based on my good qualities. Every woman wants to be wanted by her man. What do I do?
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My boyfriend and I recently got engaged and up until now, I always believed he thought I was sexy/gorgeous/beautiful/proud to be with me, but then he dropped a bomb. Turns out, I don't turn him on, he's not sexually attracted to me, maybe a little physically attractive since all he says is "you're an attractive woman". He makes me feel ugly and unwanted. Now, I have never thought of myself as ugly. I have always been confident in my looks, and even been told I am an exotic beauty, but when it comes to how he views me, it breaks my heart to where I feel as if I'm in physical pain. I love him very much and am happy to be with him. I love our connection. We are best friends and have a great time together. We always have a blast and can talk about anything, but that physical desire isn't there for him the way it is for me. I always want him. If I could, we would have sex every day, a few times a day. He doesn't sexually satisfy me in the sense that I don't get it enough and my needs aren't always answered. Anytime he wants sex or even just head, I'm there for him. When it's the other way around, 80% of the time I get rejected. It is discouraging. I know I could get attention elsewhere and even try to be with someone else who would be physically attracted to me and want me all the time, but he's the man I set my heart on a long time ago. I'm struggling with deciding on is it enough for me to occasionally have that physical relationship with him compared to how great of a bond we have as partners, intellectually, and as friends. He does love and care for me. He does a lot for me and has even changed a lot to be a great man for me, but he's told me I'm not his type. He's with me because there is substance to me. If he wanted just a pretty girl that's what he would go be with. I hate how other random women turn him on, get his attention, and I have to fight for it. As his fiance, I feel that I shouldn't be fighting anymore for that attention. If he chose me, then why don't I get his attention? He's even said how he's accepted being with me, like he's settling for me. I'm not settling for him. I'm attracted to him in every way and really do only have eyes for him. I've never cheated. I've stayed 100% loyal to him. I don't give guys the time of day. I don't check out other guys or make comments like he does if he sees a woman who is his type. It's discouraging. I just really need advice/help. Should I marry him since in every other aspect of our lives, he fulfills? Should I be okay with him not ever viewing me as sexually attractive? Or, do I need to break off the engagement and wait to meet someone new who will want me just as much as I want them? I've had other guys tell me I'm gorgeous and sexy and any man would be lucky to have me by their side, but I know my fiance doesn't feel that way at all. He loves me because I'm a good woman, loyal, take care of business, cook, clean, work, raise kids, family-oriented (his family loves me and more than approves), and have good morals and values. Is that enough to stay with someone for the rest of your life? I know a relationship isn't all about sex, but it's a part of it. A part that if left unsatisfied will leak over into every other aspect of your relationship and cause unhappiness, resentment, and regret. I don't want to feel that, and as much as I love him and want to be with him, I don't want him to just settle for me based on my good qualities. Every woman wants to be wanted by her man. What do I do?
March 8, 2016 - 1:25pmThis Comment
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