Juno,
How old are you two now (in other words, how long has it been since high school)?
I'm not sure why the "drama" behind this situation, as you did not "leave him"...you were not married. You two did not have kids together. You did not live together and share rent or bills. You two were in high school! What you just described is the dating world, and 9 times out of 10, people break up. (The other 1 in 10 get married). The odds are, when you date, you are either going to be the one "breaking up", or be the one who is "broken up with". Sure, it hurts and it's sad, but those of us who have good coping skills, are happy and healthy are able to move on and learn from the experience. They do not dwell in the past that a highschool girlfriend broke up with them, therefore they have no trust for that person. That is silly, and scary---it makes me question his maturity, quite honestly.
Now, you two have reunited, and like each other. You have a physical relationship, and are wondering where the relationship is going (so much that you are already worrying about it ending?! That is taking it to the extreme, right?!). I am really concerned about the level of maturity that you are displaying also, as you have two kids, are not legally divorced from your husband, and are already wondering how to "keep" this new man and "earn" his trust?
First of all, you did not do anything wrong. You do not "owe" this new boyfriend anything, and I hope he is not manipulating you or making you feel this guilt. It is unnecessary. You did nothing wrong. I'm surprised that your time in high school would still even be relevant in your life at this stage of your adulthood.
Sorry for being so blunt, but have you also thought about your need to be on your own for awhile, and figure out what YOU want out of life, out of a relationship, without trying to figure out how to make this new man in your life happy (or "trust" you, or whatever the "reason"). Take time to get to know yourself, heal your wounds from your husband cheating on you, and learn what you deserve from a healthy and happy relationship...you will only be able to really "hear" and "listen" to yourself if you are alone and able to be contemplative...not already trying to please another man.
If you and this new man are already "falling for each other", hopefully he will understand that you need some time to heal, (to get divorced, right?!), and to become each other's friend. If he wants you in his life, he will support you in any way that is healthy for you. And, most importantly, your kids.
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Juno,
How old are you two now (in other words, how long has it been since high school)?
I'm not sure why the "drama" behind this situation, as you did not "leave him"...you were not married. You two did not have kids together. You did not live together and share rent or bills. You two were in high school! What you just described is the dating world, and 9 times out of 10, people break up. (The other 1 in 10 get married). The odds are, when you date, you are either going to be the one "breaking up", or be the one who is "broken up with". Sure, it hurts and it's sad, but those of us who have good coping skills, are happy and healthy are able to move on and learn from the experience. They do not dwell in the past that a highschool girlfriend broke up with them, therefore they have no trust for that person. That is silly, and scary---it makes me question his maturity, quite honestly.
Now, you two have reunited, and like each other. You have a physical relationship, and are wondering where the relationship is going (so much that you are already worrying about it ending?! That is taking it to the extreme, right?!). I am really concerned about the level of maturity that you are displaying also, as you have two kids, are not legally divorced from your husband, and are already wondering how to "keep" this new man and "earn" his trust?
First of all, you did not do anything wrong. You do not "owe" this new boyfriend anything, and I hope he is not manipulating you or making you feel this guilt. It is unnecessary. You did nothing wrong. I'm surprised that your time in high school would still even be relevant in your life at this stage of your adulthood.
Sorry for being so blunt, but have you also thought about your need to be on your own for awhile, and figure out what YOU want out of life, out of a relationship, without trying to figure out how to make this new man in your life happy (or "trust" you, or whatever the "reason"). Take time to get to know yourself, heal your wounds from your husband cheating on you, and learn what you deserve from a healthy and happy relationship...you will only be able to really "hear" and "listen" to yourself if you are alone and able to be contemplative...not already trying to please another man.
If you and this new man are already "falling for each other", hopefully he will understand that you need some time to heal, (to get divorced, right?!), and to become each other's friend. If he wants you in his life, he will support you in any way that is healthy for you. And, most importantly, your kids.
June 15, 2010 - 2:32pmThis Comment
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