I'm interested and take heart from the response above. I'm a 50 year old woman. I've been in a relationship for 8 years with a man who does not want to have sex with me. Ever since we first slep together he has not been keen to repeat. We are compatible in every other way and have a close friendship. He is 8 years younger than me. I was a bit nervous when we first had sex. Normal I would expect. I have never had an orgasm during actual sex, but am quite content with that. Perhaps that is what put him off. Eventually he admitted, to my horror, that he's "had better". But by then I had already fallen in love with him. Within weeks of meeting me he confessed that he was addicted to porn. We began living together a year after we met and have lived together for 7 years now. The situation has got worse and worse. Even though we have a very close and happy friendship the sex is virtually non existent, I'm talking twice, or three times a year at my instigation. He doesn't come now. I know he has been watching porn as I've found evidence on the computer. Over the years he has become more careful but occassionally I have caught him at it or he has not cleared the history. He continues to assert that he is not attracted to me and that there is no 'chemistry'. He continues to look at porn daily. He refuses to go to counselling about this. I have been to counselling alone and was basically told i am in an abusive relationship. It's so hard to leave. In every other way our relationship is great, and he has been very kind to me in many ways. He now says that the porn watching is a symptom and not a cause - that it is his way of getting his needs met as he would 'rather not' have sex with me. ( I should add that I am a normal healthy woman, and everyone i know says I look in my 30's). I tried losing weight but he took absolutely no notice. He will not look up from his book if i appear naked in front of him. He said that there is nothing i can do to make him fancy me. I am in utter despair. I have gained weight out of misery. But now feel I have reached a turning point. At 50 I shouldnt be feeling so lacking in confidence due to the man who I share my life with. I have been so stressed I am now on betablockers to slow down my racing heart. I intend to ask him one more time to stop looking at porn and get some treatment for this addiction, or I'm going to show him the door. It's hard at my age to feel I am looking at the distinct possibility of being single again, but I need to get some self respect and happiness back somehow. I do belive that he has an addiction to porn and like any addict he is very protective of his fix. Pity.
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I'm interested and take heart from the response above. I'm a 50 year old woman. I've been in a relationship for 8 years with a man who does not want to have sex with me. Ever since we first slep together he has not been keen to repeat. We are compatible in every other way and have a close friendship. He is 8 years younger than me. I was a bit nervous when we first had sex. Normal I would expect. I have never had an orgasm during actual sex, but am quite content with that. Perhaps that is what put him off. Eventually he admitted, to my horror, that he's "had better". But by then I had already fallen in love with him. Within weeks of meeting me he confessed that he was addicted to porn. We began living together a year after we met and have lived together for 7 years now. The situation has got worse and worse. Even though we have a very close and happy friendship the sex is virtually non existent, I'm talking twice, or three times a year at my instigation. He doesn't come now. I know he has been watching porn as I've found evidence on the computer. Over the years he has become more careful but occassionally I have caught him at it or he has not cleared the history. He continues to assert that he is not attracted to me and that there is no 'chemistry'. He continues to look at porn daily. He refuses to go to counselling about this. I have been to counselling alone and was basically told i am in an abusive relationship. It's so hard to leave. In every other way our relationship is great, and he has been very kind to me in many ways. He now says that the porn watching is a symptom and not a cause - that it is his way of getting his needs met as he would 'rather not' have sex with me. ( I should add that I am a normal healthy woman, and everyone i know says I look in my 30's). I tried losing weight but he took absolutely no notice. He will not look up from his book if i appear naked in front of him. He said that there is nothing i can do to make him fancy me. I am in utter despair. I have gained weight out of misery. But now feel I have reached a turning point. At 50 I shouldnt be feeling so lacking in confidence due to the man who I share my life with. I have been so stressed I am now on betablockers to slow down my racing heart. I intend to ask him one more time to stop looking at porn and get some treatment for this addiction, or I'm going to show him the door. It's hard at my age to feel I am looking at the distinct possibility of being single again, but I need to get some self respect and happiness back somehow. I do belive that he has an addiction to porn and like any addict he is very protective of his fix. Pity.
December 21, 2011 - 12:49amThis Comment
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