Feeling guilty and worthless because I am not able to pick myself up or be lifted up. I learned in childhood after begging to be saved, that I was not worth it. The devil is in me and he said he's never coming out. I fight it, often less successfully that others, but I still ask God's help, even though I don't trust he will be there for me. I love stories like yours. You are a chosen one, and you helped make it happen yourself. Stay strong.