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I, too, have had to relocate a few times, but the last time it was without a job, and it was much, much worse. I think we take a lot of identity and value away from our jobs with us, and when we don't have that go go to, it almost starts to redefine us entirely.

It shouldn't, but it does. And it affects us to have to depend on our partner for all the finances when we haven't been used to that in the past. It can make you feel much less worthy -- of love, of a new job, of confidence, of accomplishment, of the ability to stand on your own two feet. Even if all that used to be second nature.

I think volunteering is a fabulous idea. It gets you out of the house, helps you meet other people and it doesn't cost much! Also, don't forget about libraries. You can go there and browse, you can sit and read, you can use the computers -- again, it doesn't cost anything, and it gets you out of the house and into another place.

Do you (or did you in the past) exercise? Can you do this now? Not only will it help keep you healthy, it will help restore the chemicals in your brain that even a slight depression can affect. All that good stuff like seratonin and dopamine respond to exercise in huge ways.

And what did you used to do in your job? Are you looking for a job now? If it seems too hard to find a job in your old field right now, look for an easier part-time job that would give you a place to go, a routine and a little money. Apply at Home Depot, at Whole Foods, at bookstores. Even working halftime will get you back in the swing of things again and then you can work on trying to get back in your old field if you want to.

Please know that you aren't alone. You are just 8 months into a huge transition, and it IS HARD. I realized after a few moves that the time when I really started feeling "at home" in a new place was somewhere around 18 months in. (And that was when I had a job, so without a job it takes longer).

Do you have friends or family who you stay in touch with? Does that help?

June 29, 2010 - 9:05am


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