Hi,
That is great to be proactive, and think through what is going on. Women often times analyze the relationship: what went wrong, what does he want, etc.
My best advice: figure out what YOU want. Independent of him. Pretend that you do not have a boyfriend in your life while you think about what you want and need in a relationship. Take time discovering what type of relationship, what type of man, you want. How do you want to feel in a relationship? What do you want to do with your time together, and when you are apart? What qualities are you looking for; what similar goals, life philosophies, future plans?
Please be honest with yourself, and not try to "match" what you want with your current boyfriend. Understand that no one will every match 100% what your relationship "criteria" is, but it should come close without compromise. Prioritize the list. Then, listen to your boyfriend and his needs/wants. It is WONDERFUL that he is talking with you about this! It might not have anything to do with you; he has probably thought through his own relationship "criteria" and is wanting to slow things down so that he can have time to be with you, to be with his friends, his co-workers, spend time alone...and really get to know what he wants out of his life. You can take this talk as a GIFT from him: you two can spend quality time apart, spend quality time with family, friends, alone, etc, as well as together. Get to know your authentic self--seriously!--and listen to what you want. Listen to what he wants, too. You both have to be true to yourselves for a relationship to work; you can't make yourself "fit" into what he wants. If it works...great. If it does not work out in the end...it is because you both were truthful and honest and this is equally valuable.
Comment Reply
Hi,
That is great to be proactive, and think through what is going on. Women often times analyze the relationship: what went wrong, what does he want, etc.
My best advice: figure out what YOU want. Independent of him. Pretend that you do not have a boyfriend in your life while you think about what you want and need in a relationship. Take time discovering what type of relationship, what type of man, you want. How do you want to feel in a relationship? What do you want to do with your time together, and when you are apart? What qualities are you looking for; what similar goals, life philosophies, future plans?
Please be honest with yourself, and not try to "match" what you want with your current boyfriend. Understand that no one will every match 100% what your relationship "criteria" is, but it should come close without compromise. Prioritize the list. Then, listen to your boyfriend and his needs/wants. It is WONDERFUL that he is talking with you about this! It might not have anything to do with you; he has probably thought through his own relationship "criteria" and is wanting to slow things down so that he can have time to be with you, to be with his friends, his co-workers, spend time alone...and really get to know what he wants out of his life. You can take this talk as a GIFT from him: you two can spend quality time apart, spend quality time with family, friends, alone, etc, as well as together. Get to know your authentic self--seriously!--and listen to what you want. Listen to what he wants, too. You both have to be true to yourselves for a relationship to work; you can't make yourself "fit" into what he wants. If it works...great. If it does not work out in the end...it is because you both were truthful and honest and this is equally valuable.
Does that help?
July 1, 2010 - 1:47pmThis Comment
Reply