I've read your other posts, too, and wanted to offer my two cents.
Although I intellectually "know" the medical literature, it is still "emotionally" difficult to internalize this knowledge. It sounds like you are fully knowledgeable on conception, but emotionally are unable to cope with the fact that it is a process.
I really do understand; I actually thought that the second I stopped my birth control, that I would get pregnant! We (women) are conditioned to think that if we do not take our birth control, we will instantly become pregnant. So, if we have been living this way for many years, it should work in our favor, right? If we WANT to become pregnant, we stop taking birth control, and we will get pregnant?! Unfortunately, it does not work this say; we are not super-fertile beings with eggs just waiting to be fertilized at any given opportunity!
Every month that went by for us, as we were trying to conceive, I was also devastated when my period came. I was embarrassed that I felt this way, because I knew each cycle I only had a 20% chance of conception (as does every fertile woman). I couldn't talk to many friends or family about it, because how do they really know what you are going through emotionally at the time, right?! It sounds so easy to keep saying, "keep trying!", but then your period comes....again.
I know it is unbelievably disappointing, but I do have some tips if you are open to them?
This time in your life is a GREAT time to get to know yourself, and practice all of the characteristics that you think make a great parent. One of those characteristics (I am speaking from experience, too, as I have a 3 year old, as well as a 3 month old), is patience. And deep breathing. And coping skills, along with stress management. Also perspective.
These are not only characteristics of a good parent, but just of being a good person and friend, too. These are also characteristics that other people (and children!) would like to be around. No one is perfect, of course, but, imagine that you ARE pregnant right now, and think back to this time in your life where you are feeling out-of-control, stressed, anxious, disappointed, mentally-drained, single-focused. I hope this reflection would cause you to want to change how you are feeling, and the good news...you are in this time of your life now, and you do have the ability to change!
If you would like to look back at this time in your life, and think, "wow! I remember when I was so excited to have a baby, and I was happy, content with my life, excited about the future, and dreaming of a new life", then you CAN start practicing the skills NOW to be able to have that broader perspective.
I know I wish I did this a little better!
Practice the skills of patience, gratitude, self-reflection, self-control and stress management. You will be an even better parent, friend, co-worker if you have these skills at their optimal level, and you will feel good about this time in your life.
You can start by looking at each of your menstrual cycles as an opportunity; there is no guarantee or "entitlement" to conceiving.
Try to not be discouraged or disappointed with every period, but see it as another month to learn and practice your new skills, have more time to reflect, and not analyze every detail. Women have been having babies for thousands of years, and no amount of worrying, feeling discouraged or sadness, or mulling-over symptom details will create a baby any faster.
We are here to help you answer questions, but I wanted to make sure that your emotional health is OK, too, and give you some friendly advice since I have "been there". I hope this helps??
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Hi Lola_marie,
I've read your other posts, too, and wanted to offer my two cents.
Although I intellectually "know" the medical literature, it is still "emotionally" difficult to internalize this knowledge. It sounds like you are fully knowledgeable on conception, but emotionally are unable to cope with the fact that it is a process.
I really do understand; I actually thought that the second I stopped my birth control, that I would get pregnant! We (women) are conditioned to think that if we do not take our birth control, we will instantly become pregnant. So, if we have been living this way for many years, it should work in our favor, right? If we WANT to become pregnant, we stop taking birth control, and we will get pregnant?! Unfortunately, it does not work this say; we are not super-fertile beings with eggs just waiting to be fertilized at any given opportunity!
Every month that went by for us, as we were trying to conceive, I was also devastated when my period came. I was embarrassed that I felt this way, because I knew each cycle I only had a 20% chance of conception (as does every fertile woman). I couldn't talk to many friends or family about it, because how do they really know what you are going through emotionally at the time, right?! It sounds so easy to keep saying, "keep trying!", but then your period comes....again.
I know it is unbelievably disappointing, but I do have some tips if you are open to them?
This time in your life is a GREAT time to get to know yourself, and practice all of the characteristics that you think make a great parent. One of those characteristics (I am speaking from experience, too, as I have a 3 year old, as well as a 3 month old), is patience. And deep breathing. And coping skills, along with stress management. Also perspective.
These are not only characteristics of a good parent, but just of being a good person and friend, too. These are also characteristics that other people (and children!) would like to be around. No one is perfect, of course, but, imagine that you ARE pregnant right now, and think back to this time in your life where you are feeling out-of-control, stressed, anxious, disappointed, mentally-drained, single-focused. I hope this reflection would cause you to want to change how you are feeling, and the good news...you are in this time of your life now, and you do have the ability to change!
If you would like to look back at this time in your life, and think, "wow! I remember when I was so excited to have a baby, and I was happy, content with my life, excited about the future, and dreaming of a new life", then you CAN start practicing the skills NOW to be able to have that broader perspective.
I know I wish I did this a little better!
Practice the skills of patience, gratitude, self-reflection, self-control and stress management. You will be an even better parent, friend, co-worker if you have these skills at their optimal level, and you will feel good about this time in your life.
You can start by looking at each of your menstrual cycles as an opportunity; there is no guarantee or "entitlement" to conceiving.
Try to not be discouraged or disappointed with every period, but see it as another month to learn and practice your new skills, have more time to reflect, and not analyze every detail. Women have been having babies for thousands of years, and no amount of worrying, feeling discouraged or sadness, or mulling-over symptom details will create a baby any faster.
We are here to help you answer questions, but I wanted to make sure that your emotional health is OK, too, and give you some friendly advice since I have "been there". I hope this helps??
July 13, 2010 - 1:34pmThis Comment
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