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Hi,
This is probably one of the biggest myths, created by man!

Men can ABSOLUTELY control their sex drive. Men, and women, are expected to live in society and have reasonable control over their emotions and behavior. For some reason, this one area of "men's sex drive" has eluded this fact, and provides many excuses that are detrimental and potentially dangerous.

Think about it: if men's sex drives were SO powerful that they absolutely, honestly could not control their actions...what would society be like? My vision is men running around with erections, no pants, humping trees, having sex with any female human or animal nearby. This is silly, of course, but truthfully, it scares me. A man who claims to believe that he has no control over his actions, especially regarding sexual intercourse, frightens me. If he truly believes this, will he take "no" for an answer? He is physically able to, unless he chooses not to. These men who believe they can not control themselves can become abusers, because they do not believe they should control themselves; they feel entitled to sex regardless if the woman is willing and able to consent.

So, if you are shaking your head and saying, "that is not what I meant!", then your boyfriend IS able to control himself. He may not want to, and that is fine. Hormones are powerful. Really, truly powerful. He has many choices to make, and so do you. If you want to wait to have sex, that is great. You can decide how far you want to go with him in physically intimate ways, and tell him upfront. I am so afraid that he will claim to "not be able to control himself" in the heat of the moment and penetrate you without your consent. That is rape.

Please tell him that you do know that he is able to control himself and his sex drive...it's really silly if you think about it. Is his penis driving him around, or what?!

He needs to be mature, grow up, respect women and know that real men absolutely control themselves every day. Those men who choose not to control themselves end up in a situation where they have raped a girl. I am sorry to be so blunt, but this really is this serious. Your teenage boyfriend is not the first male to think that his sex drive is more powerful than any other, and I hope he also realizes his choices and behaviors are even MORE powerful.

He can acknowledge to being "horny", and he can be physically intimate with you in whatever ways YOU want. Both men and women masturbate, and this is a great release of all the sexual feelings...and people who masturbate do it because they CAN control themselves.

How do you feel about all of this?

July 6, 2010 - 2:06pm

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