I wanted to add my two cents as well. I honestly don't think I would bother "having a talk with him", as this rarely goes well in even the most serious, long-term and committed relationships! These types of "talks" that do go well usually have to do with one, specific changeable behavior. You are wanting to talk about many, many things that have more to do with his personality.
I believe the best thing you can do is just take a few steps back yourself, and invest as much time and energy and yourself as you are receiving. Just be an observer for a while in the relationship, as he is showing you his best self right now. He is not going to change his behaviors because of a "talk"; these are conscious choices he is making,, despite you already talking with him and voicing your concerns. I believe he has heard you, and he is making decisions based on knowing your concerns. This is probably not the healthiest relationship, unfortunately.
The biggest red flag for me is when you said: "...he has told me it takes him awhile to be more open and that if i quit pestering him about FB he would add me". That is absolutely not what makes for a healthy relationship; he sounds very immature if he is using something as simple as FB to "threaten" you with telling you to have good behavior and he will "reward" you with the gift of being his friend. He really needs to get over himself, and treat you with more kindness and respect. If you are not worthy of being a friend on FB regardless if you are "pestering" him or not...that word just makes me so frustrated! Your "pestering" is actually you voicing a concern, and if he does not value your concerns and sees you as a pest...he does not sound like he is invested in this relationship as much as you are. I'm sorry.
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I wanted to add my two cents as well. I honestly don't think I would bother "having a talk with him", as this rarely goes well in even the most serious, long-term and committed relationships! These types of "talks" that do go well usually have to do with one, specific changeable behavior. You are wanting to talk about many, many things that have more to do with his personality.
I believe the best thing you can do is just take a few steps back yourself, and invest as much time and energy and yourself as you are receiving. Just be an observer for a while in the relationship, as he is showing you his best self right now. He is not going to change his behaviors because of a "talk"; these are conscious choices he is making,, despite you already talking with him and voicing your concerns. I believe he has heard you, and he is making decisions based on knowing your concerns. This is probably not the healthiest relationship, unfortunately.
The biggest red flag for me is when you said: "...he has told me it takes him awhile to be more open and that if i quit pestering him about FB he would add me". That is absolutely not what makes for a healthy relationship; he sounds very immature if he is using something as simple as FB to "threaten" you with telling you to have good behavior and he will "reward" you with the gift of being his friend. He really needs to get over himself, and treat you with more kindness and respect. If you are not worthy of being a friend on FB regardless if you are "pestering" him or not...that word just makes me so frustrated! Your "pestering" is actually you voicing a concern, and if he does not value your concerns and sees you as a pest...he does not sound like he is invested in this relationship as much as you are. I'm sorry.
September 7, 2010 - 4:34pmThis Comment
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