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(reply to I_love_him)

Hi i_love_him,
Thanks for continuing to talk with us. I hope it is helping you in some way. We are here to inspire you and support you as you try to figure this out. I am sensing you are feeling stuck--but you don't have any intention of leaving--that is a decision you've made. And while your mother has a point, what's done is done, you have a baby, and you're with this man, your story is not finished.
You do have a life, and you do have choices. I always think to myself, "It's ok to feel sorry for myself today, but tomorrow, I'm going to take care of this problem."
As I see it, and mind you, I'm not a therapist, and I'm not a doctor, so take it or leave it as you see fit: 1) you can decide to make the most of your situation--instead of negativity, try to cultivate a more positive atmosphere. Be the best partner you can be, and don't stop--don't weigh this on how he is. Be loving to him, try to not judge, and you more than likely will get love back. If he is hurtful, say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but that hurt me." and leave it at that. Don't let him rope you into fights, choose your battles. Focus on your son, and being the best mama you can be. 2) Work toward having the future you want--do you want a job? What do you want to do? Take an hour a day to search out resources for daycare and a job. Just look into it. Or search out places you can go to school so you can improve your chances of getting a job. If you are in school, many places may offer support or counsel you on how to get daycare and/or a job.
My point is, take this step-by-step. This will improve your self-image and also the image your partner has of you. Only good things can come from working hard at becoming the person you want to be and not accepting that your current status is where you have to be. I know it won't be easy, and if you need help, let us know what part of the country you are in, and we can try to help you find resources in your area. Think about it, think about what you want (even if it's just staying home with your son until he's school age), and let us know. What do you think about that?

November 22, 2010 - 8:59am


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