Hello, I can understand the mix of emotions that are now creating confusion and pressure with regard to getting married.
I've also been married and divorced, and while the lessons you learn always have the power to move you forward in life, there's no reason to make them more complicated or difficult than necessary.
Marriage should never be rushed, based on stats (like how long you've known each other or lived together), or chosen out of fear (for ex. wanting to be married before you are separated because you're afraid of what the separation could cause between you.) Marriage is best when both parties are truly interested, feel ready and enthusiastic about moving their relationship into a new place. Our emotions often influence our decisions, however when it comes to marriage, it's best to take a step back and examine what is driving your choices. There seems to be a lot of fear behind your question, so the question to ask yourself is what are you afraid of? If you're afraid that the two of you may grow apart or change your current perspective on your relationship, understand that getting married will not prevent any of that from happening. It may even add more pressure to your relationship that could make it harder and more stressful for both of you to make it through the upcoming change. Not only will you grow and change personally while your partner is away, he will also undergo significant experiences that will influence who he is and chooses to be as he moves forward, which makes holding off on marriage a very good idea.
My advice is to take a deep breath and accept that both of you are young, with major events about to take place in your lives that will absolutely create changes in both of you. If you can let go of trying to control what happens in favor of establishing your intention to support each other and then let life's course take place, you will both be stronger. It may feel scary, but in truth your marriage will have a much stronger foundation when each of you makes the choice freely without trying to avoid something else you're afraid could happen. Give yourselves the gift of growing and finding out if despite enduring new experiences with a physical separation, you continue to hold the same values, goals and desires for life. If you do, you will enjoy a sense of peace when you choose to get married down the road because your marriage will be based in belief rather than fear or a desire to avoid or control future events. Should you find that you begin to go in different directions, you'll be able to appreciate the time you've had together, what you've learned from each other and move forward more easily. I wish you the best.
Charly
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Hello, I can understand the mix of emotions that are now creating confusion and pressure with regard to getting married.
I've also been married and divorced, and while the lessons you learn always have the power to move you forward in life, there's no reason to make them more complicated or difficult than necessary.
Marriage should never be rushed, based on stats (like how long you've known each other or lived together), or chosen out of fear (for ex. wanting to be married before you are separated because you're afraid of what the separation could cause between you.) Marriage is best when both parties are truly interested, feel ready and enthusiastic about moving their relationship into a new place. Our emotions often influence our decisions, however when it comes to marriage, it's best to take a step back and examine what is driving your choices. There seems to be a lot of fear behind your question, so the question to ask yourself is what are you afraid of? If you're afraid that the two of you may grow apart or change your current perspective on your relationship, understand that getting married will not prevent any of that from happening. It may even add more pressure to your relationship that could make it harder and more stressful for both of you to make it through the upcoming change. Not only will you grow and change personally while your partner is away, he will also undergo significant experiences that will influence who he is and chooses to be as he moves forward, which makes holding off on marriage a very good idea.
October 17, 2010 - 3:17pmMy advice is to take a deep breath and accept that both of you are young, with major events about to take place in your lives that will absolutely create changes in both of you. If you can let go of trying to control what happens in favor of establishing your intention to support each other and then let life's course take place, you will both be stronger. It may feel scary, but in truth your marriage will have a much stronger foundation when each of you makes the choice freely without trying to avoid something else you're afraid could happen. Give yourselves the gift of growing and finding out if despite enduring new experiences with a physical separation, you continue to hold the same values, goals and desires for life. If you do, you will enjoy a sense of peace when you choose to get married down the road because your marriage will be based in belief rather than fear or a desire to avoid or control future events. Should you find that you begin to go in different directions, you'll be able to appreciate the time you've had together, what you've learned from each other and move forward more easily. I wish you the best.
Charly
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