If you are not able to ask your husband of 9 years what is the cause behind the change in his behavior without it getting "twisted on you", it might be time for marriage counseling. And, this is not a bad thing, and does not mean your marriage is in trouble...it means that he is having a hard time with SOMETHING, and is not able to communicate it to you. You feel stuck, not wanting to ask him, but needing to know to help him. He may be depressed, he may be stressed...we could speculate all night, right? Whatever is the change, he is having a hard time with it and a 3rd person (professional counselor) can help him individually, and you as a couple, determine the best methods for communicating with each other.
What are your thoughts? What do you mean by it getting "twisted" on you? Has anything changed in his life that would be a reason for his behavior that seems to include self-isolation from his family?