This was a very interesting feed. After reading some of the comments I felt like I should input my own. I have been with my husband for about 4 years. When we first met our sex was mediocre. We sometimes had sex everyday and other times we skipped a week or two. One day in our 2 week episode of not having sex, I had walked in to the bathroom and he did not notice that I walked in. As soon as I saw him I flipped out .If you know me than you would know I have no way to shut my mouth. If I feel some type of way you will see it in my eyes and face reaction or you will def hear about it.
So, as I flipped out because I felt so hurt, betrayed cheated and disrespected. I would be like but why if I am right here why cant you just wake me up or something. He denied it the first couple of times until I became so obsessed with it that I would sneak into the bathroom and watch to see if he would notice I was there. One day he noticed I was sitting outside the shower and he peaked out. I just looked at him with eyes of disappointment. I started crying and explained to him how it made me feel. It made me feel like less than a woman; my self esteem felt bad, Ididn't feel I was good enough. Now after expressing myself, I am very fortunate to have a husband that is extremely understanding or at least tries his best. He apologized and said he will not do it again It became an addiction to me to spy and try to see how long it took him in the shower and if he would say anything to me. We argued about it plenty of times, as even though he promised he still continued. He explained to me that its not that he prefers porno or masturbation over me its just a couple factors that come in to play.
1. When he watches porno its normally to learn a new move or a new position; of course it causes arousal... ( Yea right.. that's what they all say.. my thoughts).
2. When I masturbate in the shower its because not all the times I feel like having sex. Sometimes that's a lot of work. ( OK so now I'm work and not pleasure.. hmmm)
3. It naturally releases his stress. ( OK what about my stress.. am I just chopped liver?)
So after we discussed thoroughly why he did these things. I explained how it made me feel. How I felt like a piece of furniture that was old and wasn't wanted anymore. So we decided to test a theory. I asked him to make a deal with me and to not masturbate or watch porno for a month; so that I can see how he acts. The first week he was super horny that every night we had sex because he really needed it. The second week it was like every other day to every two days. By the third week I noticed our sex getting a little played out or boring and he wasn't much interested in anything.By week 4 we were not having sex at all!!! So now i'm picking at my brain because WTF went wrong Am I that bad in bed?? After the month I told him to continue doing as he normally did. Then I put myself to the test and started masturbating every morning, every night and watched porno everyday. I noticed how I started to desire my husband more an more because of what I was watching. I would imagine him doing all these things to me. I wanted sex like 2 -3 times a day. I started doing new moves because I was trying to move like the girl in the porno. My stimulation was higher than usual. Any touch would send my mind elsewhere. It was an interesting test. After this we both had liberty to do or watch as we please with no judgment or argument.
Sometimes as females we get to over thoughtful about the things a man does. Not all men are the same. If you are in a situation where your husband prefers masturbation or porno over you then you def need counseling or you need a new partner.
However, if you look at this in a different light you may be able to change your situations.
So the next time you see your husband masturbating in the shower; make a quick change into something sexy or take your clothes off, brush your teeth and get involved. Ask to masturbate (with hand or mouth) for him with no pleasure for your self. Walk into the shower, kiss him and touch him. Do not be upset with him. Become part of it. If you cant beat them then join them ( that's what they say). After you help him, walk out with a BAM. He will be shocked and eventually he will want more.
If your husband watches porn, let him do it! All you need in return is that he does not erase it from his history feed. You might think what the hell! Why wouldn't you want him to delete it? Do you really want to see the proof of him "cheating" or him mesmerized by another female??? Well let me explain, I asked my husband just that. DO NOT ERASE YOUR FEED. I would prefer to know and that he is not hiding anything from me. Now, your next step after telling him not to delete is when he leaves the phone around or when you ask for his phone. watch the same exact porno that he watched. Now you can understand a couple things by watching this. You will see what arouses your husband. What position he is thinking of doing So now you can learn and watch so that you know what position to counter attack his. you want to rock his world as he rocks yours. It will make sex more intense and pleasurable, because you both have a common goal. Learn to embrace and grow from what once seemed bad or negative.
Release his stress and he will release yours. Become one with him and become understanding.
When I learned these key points I never looked at it the same. Now my husband is allowed to watch any porno, masturbate in the shower or do both. Because I have seen and experienced everything he has watched. Everything he watches he performs on me. So now I get excited to see what he learned new. What new position will he do on me now. When he is masturbating I either walk away so he doesn't notice i'm there;I gave him his space and sometimes I jump right in and take care of it for him. Sometimes a man just wants to have the pleasure with no work. ( nothing wrong with that). I have those moments when I just want to have an orgasm without having to work for it cause I am tired. Sometimes I sneak his hand into my pants and let his hands work the magic for me. Learn that in a marriage you will have to compromise and be understanding. Look at the bright side.
This has only made our relationship, communication and our sex life 10X better.