You might want to hold off from becoming a nun at your age! :-)
He does sound like his alcohol and emotional issues are causing relationship difficulties, but not in the way you mentioned. You are wanting to know if it essentially kills his libido...but what I believe is happening is that he is not able to communicate effectively with you, in regards to what is really going on with his feelings. I do not believe he is capable of a healthy relationship right now.
Can I say this: it sounds like you need to move on. I hate to be so blunt, but a relationship should not be this much hard work. He has a lot of things he needs to deal with, and you can help him as a friend. You are no longer able to help him as a girlfriend, as he has pulled you into the mix...and you are wondering if you are attractive or perform sexually enough? This has nothing to do with you...and everything to do with him. He needs to get some help. He is using sex in harmful ways (frequent sex partners in the past, now not being intimate with you except for oral sex), he is using alcohol in harmful ways. This person is not able to be in a healthy, mature and long-term relationship until he can work on his own issues on his own terms, hopefully with a therapist.
You have all the information you need in front of you to make a decision, and it is really up to you. What type of relationship do you want? Do you want to be with a man forever that will not be physically intimate with you, but "accepts" oral sex? Do you want a man who abuses alcohol? Do you want a man who can sleep with a lot of women, but them place blame (deflect blame) on you for modeling in a professional environment? Long-term, healthy partnerships do not place blame, find fault, use alcohol, avoid or withhold physical intimacy from one-another. It is great that you have had this relationship, and perhaps it has run its course and the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to decide what you want out of your life, who you want in it, what you deserve, and you can be with someone who wants to be with you physically, wants to be intimate with you... in all the same ways you want to be. you can find a relationship in which you are sexually compatible, and you may also benefit from some counseling sessions if you feel you are meant to "fix" this other person.
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You might want to hold off from becoming a nun at your age! :-)
He does sound like his alcohol and emotional issues are causing relationship difficulties, but not in the way you mentioned. You are wanting to know if it essentially kills his libido...but what I believe is happening is that he is not able to communicate effectively with you, in regards to what is really going on with his feelings. I do not believe he is capable of a healthy relationship right now.
Can I say this: it sounds like you need to move on. I hate to be so blunt, but a relationship should not be this much hard work. He has a lot of things he needs to deal with, and you can help him as a friend. You are no longer able to help him as a girlfriend, as he has pulled you into the mix...and you are wondering if you are attractive or perform sexually enough? This has nothing to do with you...and everything to do with him. He needs to get some help. He is using sex in harmful ways (frequent sex partners in the past, now not being intimate with you except for oral sex), he is using alcohol in harmful ways. This person is not able to be in a healthy, mature and long-term relationship until he can work on his own issues on his own terms, hopefully with a therapist.
You have all the information you need in front of you to make a decision, and it is really up to you. What type of relationship do you want? Do you want to be with a man forever that will not be physically intimate with you, but "accepts" oral sex? Do you want a man who abuses alcohol? Do you want a man who can sleep with a lot of women, but them place blame (deflect blame) on you for modeling in a professional environment? Long-term, healthy partnerships do not place blame, find fault, use alcohol, avoid or withhold physical intimacy from one-another. It is great that you have had this relationship, and perhaps it has run its course and the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to decide what you want out of your life, who you want in it, what you deserve, and you can be with someone who wants to be with you physically, wants to be intimate with you... in all the same ways you want to be. you can find a relationship in which you are sexually compatible, and you may also benefit from some counseling sessions if you feel you are meant to "fix" this other person.
good luck!
December 19, 2010 - 9:25pmThis Comment
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