Hi mena,
I'm glad you've come back to talk with us. I'm sorry things haven't been the best for you the past few months. As you know, I can personally attest to how having a miscarriage can mess with your mind. I'm sorry it has come as a detriment to your relationship. Have you officially broken up? Have you and your boyfriend talked yet? I mean, really talked? I think regardless if you decide to continue the relationship, you both may need to deal with what happened in a loving and non-confrontational manner.
I understand that for a guy, it can be really confusing and hard to grasp the concept of an early miscarriage. They see their loved one being tortured, and they feel really caught off guard, not exactly sure what happened, and not knowing what to do or even if they can help at all. Accept that what you are feeling and what he is feeling is valid. Try and meet in the middle. If you can't move forward together, then chalk it up to experience and move on alone as best you can. But if there is love to salvage, try to focus on that, and really move forward together.
Bear in mind, as I've said before, I'm not a counselor or social worker. I'm speaking from experience on this--I've had two miscarriages. The first one nearly ruined my relationship, the second one was just a few months ago, and I think he was better equipped to help me through it knowing how it was before. It also helped me that I had been through counseling when I had Post-Partum Depression after delivering our oldest son. Once you've been through counseling for this, you learn tools to help cope with similar situations in the future. I thought several times about going back on medication for a few months after my most recent miscarriage, but I instead went back to focusing on my "Plan" for dealing with depression: Get enough sleep, ask for help, limit alcohol and caffeine use, eat right, drink enough water daily, and get counseling help or lean on spouse/friends as needed. It helps to tell people what you are going through. Let them think what they will. If they've been through it, they will be right there with you. If they haven't, they have a reason why you are being how you are.
Sorry for throwing another article at you, but here is part 1 of my PPD story to help give perspective why you may still be having trouble so many months later: My PPD Story Pt.I, and PPD Page. What you are experiencing may not exactly be PPD, we cannot diagnose you. But I personally believe based on my experience that the type of mood disorder you may experience following a miscarriage is similar to PPD or PTSD. Talk with your doctor if you're ready to meet with a psychologist to be evaluated and work on getting through this.
And here's in case you are concerned about visiting with a psychologist: Tips for a first meeting with a psychologist
Good luck! You will get through it. If you need more support, we are here.
Take care,
- Christine
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Hi mena,
December 28, 2010 - 8:21amI'm glad you've come back to talk with us. I'm sorry things haven't been the best for you the past few months. As you know, I can personally attest to how having a miscarriage can mess with your mind. I'm sorry it has come as a detriment to your relationship. Have you officially broken up? Have you and your boyfriend talked yet? I mean, really talked? I think regardless if you decide to continue the relationship, you both may need to deal with what happened in a loving and non-confrontational manner.
I understand that for a guy, it can be really confusing and hard to grasp the concept of an early miscarriage. They see their loved one being tortured, and they feel really caught off guard, not exactly sure what happened, and not knowing what to do or even if they can help at all. Accept that what you are feeling and what he is feeling is valid. Try and meet in the middle. If you can't move forward together, then chalk it up to experience and move on alone as best you can. But if there is love to salvage, try to focus on that, and really move forward together.
Bear in mind, as I've said before, I'm not a counselor or social worker. I'm speaking from experience on this--I've had two miscarriages. The first one nearly ruined my relationship, the second one was just a few months ago, and I think he was better equipped to help me through it knowing how it was before. It also helped me that I had been through counseling when I had Post-Partum Depression after delivering our oldest son. Once you've been through counseling for this, you learn tools to help cope with similar situations in the future. I thought several times about going back on medication for a few months after my most recent miscarriage, but I instead went back to focusing on my "Plan" for dealing with depression: Get enough sleep, ask for help, limit alcohol and caffeine use, eat right, drink enough water daily, and get counseling help or lean on spouse/friends as needed. It helps to tell people what you are going through. Let them think what they will. If they've been through it, they will be right there with you. If they haven't, they have a reason why you are being how you are.
Sorry for throwing another article at you, but here is part 1 of my PPD story to help give perspective why you may still be having trouble so many months later: My PPD Story Pt.I, and PPD Page. What you are experiencing may not exactly be PPD, we cannot diagnose you. But I personally believe based on my experience that the type of mood disorder you may experience following a miscarriage is similar to PPD or PTSD. Talk with your doctor if you're ready to meet with a psychologist to be evaluated and work on getting through this.
And here's in case you are concerned about visiting with a psychologist: Tips for a first meeting with a psychologist
Good luck! You will get through it. If you need more support, we are here.
Take care,
- Christine
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