Hello Christine,
thank you for the well written article. Ever since I was a child I was told by my parents and other elders to apologise and to say I am sorry for any thing done that offended or harmed anybody else in any way.
After a while I realised like so many children realised that saying sorry was a nice easy way to forgiveness without meaning it. I see many children and adult do this these days and get away with just an apology.
Point I am making is that much of that apology in my cynical eyes is rather fake. In the last 10 years that I have realise this when people apologise to me now I tell them not to be sorry as it is not in the least helpful to me. I tell them that instead they should tell me 'IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN' and then stick to it.
What I have found is that many people are very reluctant to say this as they no that if they say that, they have to stick with it as they have given there word. I teach my child this now and he is only 9 months old but hopefully by the time he is five he may have learnt the value of keeping your word and being truly sorry which in my opinion is not really just saying it.
It is a very difficult thing to do, to say it will not happen again as you go direct to the behaviour that needs changing.
This is my opinion and what I practice now and it seems to work and people's reluctance to say I will not happen again makes me realise that they realise that it is not about simply paying lip service to the problem but about changing the behaviour so that the problem does not occur again. To the people that have tried it, it seems to have a lasting effect. Thoughts........?
Comment Reply
Hello Christine,
thank you for the well written article. Ever since I was a child I was told by my parents and other elders to apologise and to say I am sorry for any thing done that offended or harmed anybody else in any way.
After a while I realised like so many children realised that saying sorry was a nice easy way to forgiveness without meaning it. I see many children and adult do this these days and get away with just an apology.
Point I am making is that much of that apology in my cynical eyes is rather fake. In the last 10 years that I have realise this when people apologise to me now I tell them not to be sorry as it is not in the least helpful to me. I tell them that instead they should tell me 'IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN' and then stick to it.
What I have found is that many people are very reluctant to say this as they no that if they say that, they have to stick with it as they have given there word. I teach my child this now and he is only 9 months old but hopefully by the time he is five he may have learnt the value of keeping your word and being truly sorry which in my opinion is not really just saying it.
It is a very difficult thing to do, to say it will not happen again as you go direct to the behaviour that needs changing.
This is my opinion and what I practice now and it seems to work and people's reluctance to say I will not happen again makes me realise that they realise that it is not about simply paying lip service to the problem but about changing the behaviour so that the problem does not occur again. To the people that have tried it, it seems to have a lasting effect. Thoughts........?
Ayodeji
February 18, 2011 - 10:12pmThis Comment
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