I'm writing this at 3:30 am. My husband has been gone for two days, phoned once and clearly lied about where he was/is.
After 12 years, a fractured arm, broken nose and mistreatment (emotional) of my two sons, I left for almost a year.
I suffer from bipolar, major depressive disorder, still struggling with self-esteem due to my dad sexually abusing me from age 4, etc.
I came back in a fragile state, he said all the right things.
I'm a fool.
I've been self-medicating with codeine, he laughs and screams that I'm a useless junkie in front of my son, is back to raising his fists at me, spitting on me and not letting me go anywhere. We live 55 km away from anywhere.
But he's out doing cocaine, oxycontins, etc , bad-mouthing me to family and not coming home!
I've been home for 6 months, he has the deed to the house in his name, and it's my son's graduating year...I want out but don't want to drag my son around again (I left twice in the last 4 years, my mistake) and to be honest, the nervous breakdown I had a few months ago has me so weak that I feel too exhausted to do anything more than secretly cry occasionally.
I'm tired, I'm angry and I'm terrified of being homeless again. Yet I can't bear to hear the words "why don't you just DIE already". My poor son. He's the only reason I'm not ending my life tonight.
I know posting this changes nothing, but I need to TALK. I'm always alone. I don't want to worry my mom, she lives very far away.
Just lost I guess. Sorry for the rant.
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I'm writing this at 3:30 am. My husband has been gone for two days, phoned once and clearly lied about where he was/is.
November 11, 2015 - 2:39amAfter 12 years, a fractured arm, broken nose and mistreatment (emotional) of my two sons, I left for almost a year.
I suffer from bipolar, major depressive disorder, still struggling with self-esteem due to my dad sexually abusing me from age 4, etc.
I came back in a fragile state, he said all the right things.
I'm a fool.
I've been self-medicating with codeine, he laughs and screams that I'm a useless junkie in front of my son, is back to raising his fists at me, spitting on me and not letting me go anywhere. We live 55 km away from anywhere.
But he's out doing cocaine, oxycontins, etc , bad-mouthing me to family and not coming home!
I've been home for 6 months, he has the deed to the house in his name, and it's my son's graduating year...I want out but don't want to drag my son around again (I left twice in the last 4 years, my mistake) and to be honest, the nervous breakdown I had a few months ago has me so weak that I feel too exhausted to do anything more than secretly cry occasionally.
I'm tired, I'm angry and I'm terrified of being homeless again. Yet I can't bear to hear the words "why don't you just DIE already". My poor son. He's the only reason I'm not ending my life tonight.
I know posting this changes nothing, but I need to TALK. I'm always alone. I don't want to worry my mom, she lives very far away.
Just lost I guess. Sorry for the rant.
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