Unlike a lot of these comments - my husband would never do drugs, cheat on me, lay a hand on anyone whatsoever. In fact, he's truly a wonderful guy with a deep moral compass which is why we clicked so well in the beginning. We broke off our engagement due to issues that we're dealing with now, and some days I kick myself for going back. We now are married (7 years) and have two beautiful boys. It is not an option for me to leave (unless things truly get so bad that I can't stay).
He is usually "nice" and gives me compliments non-stop. But, he is very emotionally needy and needs a lot. He has anger issues and probably (lately) every week or so they flare up and we have a huge fight. Last month it got so bad I took the kids and left for my mom's house - and the last one was just a few days ago on my birthday. He yells at me to the point where I begin to cry, and then he continues yelling and won't stop. He usually gets angry over little things (I purchased a gift for my sons and he got angry about that - he feels they are competition to him) - and then it turns into this huge blame session. I'm told that I never give him anything emotionally or physically, our kids will need counseling because I'm mothering them (when my 15 month old had a bad fever and sickness, he got very angry that I was spending time taking care of him), that I never listen to his feelings - he even yelled at me for the fact that "he had to go out and spend $80 on birthday balloons and a cake for me" - this all on my birthday. After I cry, get mad, and usually leave the room, he will come and apologize over and over. And then for the next few days, he's incredibly nice.
The biggest issue is, I'm starting to have trouble trusting him. Our sex life isn't good because I'm almost scared of him - and in turn, when I won't have sex, it makes him angrier and angrier. It's this horrible cycle and I don't get the feeling he understands that I'm emotionally drained and hurt. All this being said - I parent our children 90% of the time. He sleeps in, doesn't enjoy being with the kids, hates being up at night to help them when they're sick. I take on a lot of the load. But mainly I just want a happy home. I'm so tired of the fighting, and me feeling like I'm worthless. Luckily, I am strong and know I am not.
This isn't the typical case, so I'm not sure if I'm dealing with true emotional abuse or just a rough marriage? It's so hard because there's really nothing I can pin point it to except that I feel horrible after every argument and feel like everything's my fault. It's that gut feeling that this isn't how a marriage is supposed to be - nor how a wife should be treated. I'm just looking for some way to help, or change - or at least live with this in a more positive way.
I appreciate your articles and all the help you've given! Nice to read something that sounds almost exactly like where I'm at.
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Hi there,
Unlike a lot of these comments - my husband would never do drugs, cheat on me, lay a hand on anyone whatsoever. In fact, he's truly a wonderful guy with a deep moral compass which is why we clicked so well in the beginning. We broke off our engagement due to issues that we're dealing with now, and some days I kick myself for going back. We now are married (7 years) and have two beautiful boys. It is not an option for me to leave (unless things truly get so bad that I can't stay).
He is usually "nice" and gives me compliments non-stop. But, he is very emotionally needy and needs a lot. He has anger issues and probably (lately) every week or so they flare up and we have a huge fight. Last month it got so bad I took the kids and left for my mom's house - and the last one was just a few days ago on my birthday. He yells at me to the point where I begin to cry, and then he continues yelling and won't stop. He usually gets angry over little things (I purchased a gift for my sons and he got angry about that - he feels they are competition to him) - and then it turns into this huge blame session. I'm told that I never give him anything emotionally or physically, our kids will need counseling because I'm mothering them (when my 15 month old had a bad fever and sickness, he got very angry that I was spending time taking care of him), that I never listen to his feelings - he even yelled at me for the fact that "he had to go out and spend $80 on birthday balloons and a cake for me" - this all on my birthday. After I cry, get mad, and usually leave the room, he will come and apologize over and over. And then for the next few days, he's incredibly nice.
The biggest issue is, I'm starting to have trouble trusting him. Our sex life isn't good because I'm almost scared of him - and in turn, when I won't have sex, it makes him angrier and angrier. It's this horrible cycle and I don't get the feeling he understands that I'm emotionally drained and hurt. All this being said - I parent our children 90% of the time. He sleeps in, doesn't enjoy being with the kids, hates being up at night to help them when they're sick. I take on a lot of the load. But mainly I just want a happy home. I'm so tired of the fighting, and me feeling like I'm worthless. Luckily, I am strong and know I am not.
This isn't the typical case, so I'm not sure if I'm dealing with true emotional abuse or just a rough marriage? It's so hard because there's really nothing I can pin point it to except that I feel horrible after every argument and feel like everything's my fault. It's that gut feeling that this isn't how a marriage is supposed to be - nor how a wife should be treated. I'm just looking for some way to help, or change - or at least live with this in a more positive way.
I appreciate your articles and all the help you've given! Nice to read something that sounds almost exactly like where I'm at.
November 21, 2015 - 5:06pmThis Comment
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