The best note in your email is the last sentence, because getting tired of being miserable means you are ready to take back your power. I can't speak for God, but I can tell you that he (no one!) wants you to suffer. There is no gain in letting abusers 'do their thing' while you crawl along, holding onto your sanity and trying to get by day by day. Help is out there but you have to ask. For me, the pain of staying became worse than the pain of leaving. I knew that since others had figured it out and gained independence from abuse, that I could too. Find the Social Services groups in your area, call the National Abuse Hotline, 800-856-4673 and know that as you move forward, you are changing the tide. We are all right with you, and many of us have walked your path, you are not alone. Life is short and your soul is precious, please keep safe, take care of you and those kids and get some help. Hugs to you.