Excellent post, Jody. I was also astonished to find so little support when I became ill. For me, I didn't even get much of that "crisis support" at the beginning. Some friends disappeared; most of my family seemed to ignore what was happening to me and acted like everything was normal.
It took me a long time to realize that the problem was not that the people closest to me didn't really care about me. In fact, just the opposite - they loved me so much that they could not bear to face or admit just how sick and disabled I'd become. I finally realized - after many years of distress - that much of my family was in deep denial over what had happened to me.
Finally, my mother and I hit rock bottom in our relationship, and I laid it out for her in a 6-page letter - exactly what my life was like now and what I needed from her. It worked, thank goodness. She sought counseling from a specialist in families of the chronically ill and turned her whole attitude around. I know it was painful for her. We are now closer than ever, though other members of my family still prefer to pretend everything is OK.
Some people just don't feel comfortable facing the truth of chronic illness, so they hide their heads in the sand. It certainly makes things harder on us, the sick ones, but - as you said - it is not our fault.
By the way, I am also blessed with some wonderful friends who have never left my side during this 9-year struggle and for whom I am very, very grateful.
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Excellent post, Jody. I was also astonished to find so little support when I became ill. For me, I didn't even get much of that "crisis support" at the beginning. Some friends disappeared; most of my family seemed to ignore what was happening to me and acted like everything was normal.
It took me a long time to realize that the problem was not that the people closest to me didn't really care about me. In fact, just the opposite - they loved me so much that they could not bear to face or admit just how sick and disabled I'd become. I finally realized - after many years of distress - that much of my family was in deep denial over what had happened to me.
Finally, my mother and I hit rock bottom in our relationship, and I laid it out for her in a 6-page letter - exactly what my life was like now and what I needed from her. It worked, thank goodness. She sought counseling from a specialist in families of the chronically ill and turned her whole attitude around. I know it was painful for her. We are now closer than ever, though other members of my family still prefer to pretend everything is OK.
Some people just don't feel comfortable facing the truth of chronic illness, so they hide their heads in the sand. It certainly makes things harder on us, the sick ones, but - as you said - it is not our fault.
By the way, I am also blessed with some wonderful friends who have never left my side during this 9-year struggle and for whom I am very, very grateful.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post!
Sue
July 12, 2011 - 8:03amThis Comment
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